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If you ask me, more people should die because they made a lame YouTube video.
What fun is being in politics if you can't use the government to target your enemies?
I suggested to a Los Angeles-based homeless beggar today that his haul may increase if he took off the Phillies cap. He turned it around.
Thx to the most humorous @evanjkessler for the #FF. I have not regretted following him and suspect you would come to the same conclusion.
I tried rolling up the bottom of my jeans but I couldn't take all the gay sex.
One man's breaking news is another man's doesn't feel like breaking news to me.
A good friend of mine would rather be with a whore than a lady who's not a whore.
This one dude once stole a tweet of mine about The Love Boat. So that guy wasn't exactly a mastermind.
Seriously though, if your tweets are being stolen you really should buy an assault rifle.
I used to have tweets stolen. Then the problem went away when I stopped being funny.
I don't mind public radio pledge drives because all the begging and groveling provides its own pleasures.
A CDC report says poop is prevalent in public pools. Panel advises people to STOP SHITTING IN POOLS.
They should do a Robin Hood where he steals from the poor and donates their shitty junk for a tax write off.
Just started a new Hollywood diet of fruits, green veggies and the sex parts of marsupials.
I never promised you a rose garden, but would gladly welcome the opportunity to get you one now in lieu of remodeling the kitchen.
Reality TV producer. Mantelpiece Emmy-free. Credits: http://tinyurl.com/8vhuxuh
