Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you ask me, more people should die because they made a lame YouTube video.
What fun is being in politics if you can't use the government to target your enemies?
I suggested to a Los Angeles-based homeless beggar today that his haul may increase if he took off the Phillies cap. He turned it around.
I tried rolling up the bottom of my jeans but I couldn't take all the gay sex.
One man's breaking news is another man's doesn't feel like breaking news to me.
A good friend of mine would rather be with a whore than a lady who's not a whore.
This one dude once stole a tweet of mine about The Love Boat. So that guy wasn't exactly a mastermind.
Seriously though, if your tweets are being stolen you really should buy an assault rifle.
I used to have tweets stolen. Then the problem went away when I stopped being funny.
I don't mind public radio pledge drives because all the begging and groveling provides its own pleasures.
A CDC report says poop is prevalent in public pools. Panel advises people to STOP SHITTING IN POOLS.
They should do a Robin Hood where he steals from the poor and donates their shitty junk for a tax write off.
When life hands you lemons it's a much better deal than esophageal cancer.
Just started a new Hollywood diet of fruits, green veggies and the sex parts of marsupials.
I never promised you a rose garden, but would gladly welcome the opportunity to get you one now in lieu of remodeling the kitchen.
Who're all these people with the time to hate Matt Lauer?
Reality TV producer. Mantelpiece Emmy-free. Credits: http://tinyurl.com/8vhuxuh