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Being an uncle is super easy. Hold the baby for 20 mins, everyone thinks it's adorable, & then it's all "PEACE OUT, HOMIES" & go eat pizza.
Just caught the garter at this Texas wedding. I think this means I'm the sheriff now...
HEADLINE: Young couple gets back from Christmas, Murders selves rather than unpack.
Next... On the History Channel: Something That Just Recently Happened At A Pawn Shop. Followed by: Stuff That May've Never Happened* *Aliens
Guy came into this Supercuts just to get his mullet shampooed. I live in Los Angeles and it's 2015.
Trying to sell an old phone on Craigslist is the closest I can come to knowing what it's like to be a woman on a dating website.
Drought schmought. I've had my sink on for 3 days straight and it hasn't stopped once.
All work and no pay makes Jack an intern
Next... On Animal Planet: Fat Guys Doing Jobs. Followed by: Also Not Animals.
Bud Selig: The only man who always wears a suit and never looks dressed up.
"You've got to pay the troll toll if you want to get in the boy's hole."
Assholes never commit suicide. They think too highly of themselves. I'd rather be sensitive, introspective, and sometimes hate my own face.
I play right field, way out where the dandelions grow.
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