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Being an uncle is super easy. Hold the baby for 20 mins, everyone thinks it's adorable, & then it's all "PEACE OUT, HOMIES" & go eat pizza.
Just caught the garter at this Texas wedding. I think this means I'm the sheriff now...
The 2 girls behind us are asleep and the lady next to me just took her pills. Your fans aren't getting any younger, Madonna!
If you go back in time and kill Hitler, my grandparents never meet in a refugee camp, and then it's bye-bye to your old pal Aaron. Worth it?
HEADLINE: Young couple gets back from Christmas, Murders selves rather than unpack.
While I'm certain that this guy at my hotel ISN'T Sammy Hagar, that doesn't make him any less fascinating.
Next... On the History Channel: Something That Just Recently Happened At A Pawn Shop. Followed by: Stuff That May've Never Happened* *Aliens
Guy came into this Supercuts just to get his mullet shampooed. I live in Los Angeles and it's 2015.
Trying to sell an old phone on Craigslist is the closest I can come to knowing what it's like to be a woman on a dating website.
Drought schmought. I've had my sink on for 3 days straight and it hasn't stopped once.
All work and no pay makes Jack an intern
When I think about it, I'd pay upwards of $50 for a good, hard back scratch.
I play right field, way out where the dandelions grow.
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