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Being an uncle is super easy. Hold the baby for 20 mins, everyone thinks it's adorable, & then it's all "PEACE OUT, HOMIES" & go eat pizza.
Just caught the garter at this Texas wedding. I think this means I'm the sheriff now...
HEADLINE: Young couple gets back from Christmas, Murders selves rather than unpack.
Guy came into this Supercuts just to get his mullet shampooed. I live in Los Angeles and it's 2015.
Trying to sell an old phone on Craigslist is the closest I can come to knowing what it's like to be a woman on a dating website.
Drought schmought. I've had my sink on for 3 days straight and it hasn't stopped once.
All work and no pay makes Jack an intern
Bud Selig: The only man who always wears a suit and never looks dressed up.
"You've got to pay the troll toll if you want to get in the boy's hole."
Assholes never commit suicide. They think too highly of themselves. I'd rather be sensitive, introspective, and sometimes hate my own face.
My milk says it expires today. IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE???!!!
Buy a fur coat at a thrift store. If anyone gives you attitude, say don't worry it's a rescue.
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