I haven't seen "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" but I have been on Tumblr, so I have seen "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."

Most of your twenties is spent waiting for the coffee or alcohol to kick in.

When life closes a laptop it opens an iPhone.

I at this point in my life I just want to feel fulfilled or find a really good smelling shampoo.

DEAR EVERYBODY, GIVE UP.

Listening to TED Talks almost tricks me into thinking that I'm not procrastinating.

I don't need validation! Right?

My dating life is like that black and white “you’re doing it wrong” portion of an informercial.

You are your own spirit animal. We can stop talking about this now.

I did some crunches today. Actually it was only one crunch. Ok, so I just curled up in the fetal position for a few hours.

If you don't have anything nice to say, just say "guuuuuuurl" for like 15 seconds and walk away.

Sorry I missed your facebook event, I was super busy not considering you a friend.

Halloween is the best holiday because you get to pretend to be something you aren't. This year I'm going as "impressed by your children."

I'm getting too old for this ball pit.

Stop posting about how talented your kids are on facebook. Someone their age made the computer you're using.

I love my grandparents, but not enough to read the emails they forward me.

It's all fun and games until someone expresses an opinion.

Snooki's baby already has a daily routine of 'Gymboree, tan, laundry.'

Whenever the doorbell rings, there's a brief moment of irrational fear that it might be Nicolas Cage.

A fun first date icebreaker is to compare what you've learned facebook-stalking each other.