Hey jerk off with all the NASCAR stickers on you're truck doing 50 in a 65, I don't think you're going to make the team

I don't want to talk to people in RL anymore, just want to slap a star on there forehead & move on

I like twitter because you creeps & perverts make me seem like less of an asshole

50% of marriages end in divorce the other 50% end in death! So the choice is dead broke or just dead, sounds fair!

I haven't done a fucking thing today......& it was everything I hoped it would be.

Don't judge me by my tweets, I don't like them either

Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay.

They say money can't buy happiness, I wouldn't mind trying to find out.

The people that fuck you over the most are always the ones that are worried about being fucked over

People that don't do twitter don't understand the addiction to twitter

I put tweets in my draft folder hoping they will get better with age

I star & RT tweets I like, I could give a shit if anyone else did or how many followers they have

These pants are like a cheap hotel.... No ball room

This sign says cheeseburger $3 handjob $50 I asked if she was the 1 that did the handjobs she said yes, I said wash UR hands I want a burger

Till death do us part?! Well how long is that?! This is taking forever

Sometimes I star other people's conversations just so I can feel involved in the party.

I have to be honest with you guys......my avi pic isn't me

I need new friends...you know the ones that actually like me

McDonalds sign says "Billions & Billions Served".....I wonder how many are still alive

If twitter gets any slower tonight i'm just going to put a sticky note on a turtles back & send it in that way