Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I just saved $250 on my car insurance by switching into reverse and leaving the scene.
"I'm sorry, but you're wrong"~ Women apologizing
Should I freeze my jeggings?
Weed is legal in 2 states. Having sex with a horse is legal in 23. Good job America.
Just think there are those who waste not one single solitary moment of their precious mortal life on twitter. Can you believe those losers?
My husband has been talking to me about rebuilding our fence for at least 20 minutes.
This is my suicide note.
The best part of coworkers being out at a seminar all day is the outfit I'm wearing today will be new to them when I wear it again tomorrow.
My favorite episode of The Brady Bunch is the one where someone learns a valuable lesson.
Oh like my God I like can't stand like nineteen year olds. Like seriously. Like like likety fucking like. Grumble grumble.
We could probably solve the immigration problem by adjusting the southern border north slightly. Say, to Canada.
I had a girlfriend whose favorite Star Wars movie was The Phantom Menace
Things to know about marriage:
1) Don't do it
"Well, at least today I didn't chase my family through a hedge maze with an ax." ~Everybody, probably
Whoa. Thanks for the heads up, wind chimes. Who knows what might have happened if I hadn't been alerted to that light breeze.
A mermaid is just Aquaman in drag.
Really need to find "the one" before the condoms expire.