@homerdash's (homer p. dashington) most faved Tweets...
I'm at the liquor store. I'm at the Dunkin' Donuts. I'm at the combination liquor store and Dunkin' Donuts. It's real and I may never leave.
It should be illegal to be this high.
Oh shit.
It IS, isn't it.
OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT BREATHE BREATHE OMG I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING
Oh shit.
It IS, isn't it.
OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT BREATHE BREATHE OMG I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING
I just noticed that the cashier girl at CVS scanned her ExtraCare card for me. Yeah, you know I make all the ladies wanna save me 70 cents.
I thought matching and balling my socks would save time but not if you giggle for 20 minutes about the term 'sock balls' every day.
Just found out that a girl at work nicknames everyone and that I've been dubbed Tight Pants Theodore. I can't really argue with that.
Drinking a beer, watching football...
...while internally debating my fall hairstyle and wardrobe. Yeah, I don't know about me either.
...while internally debating my fall hairstyle and wardrobe. Yeah, I don't know about me either.
I just crushed a lemon-lime Gatorade with 6 shots of Stoli in it. GENTLEMEN START YOUR ENGINES
PLAY BALL
OBVIOUS SPORTING EVENT REFERENCE
PLAY BALL
OBVIOUS SPORTING EVENT REFERENCE
Whoever drew a penis on the toilet paper dispenser at this bar needs a lot more practice, a dick doodle should never contain a right angle.
I really shouldn't be surprised that this tiny half-charred nugget that I found on the floor tastes horrible. #timesistough
That's a new record, it's usually at least 30 minutes on the highway before I wish for fire from the sky to rain death on all humanity.
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