Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Valium cupcakes should be a thing.
If you're gonna be a brown-noser, use a little tongue while you're down there.
The hardest part about quitting smoking is not getting to smoke anymore.
I don't think people are picking up on my sarcastic stars.
i hate inteligent tweets where i have to google the words like "you are shit" and "i hate your tweets"...fucking winds me up
Your shoes look like alligator snouts
Wanna come over so I can throw an axe at your head?
Its ok to cry if you're a guy. Just use your penis to wipe them tears.
Relationship status: SLOW DOWN AND LET ME OFF THE HOOD OF YOUR CAR, BITCH!!!
im sure theres stuff outside...
If you want to experience the magic of A, E, I, O and U occurring in order in a single word, become more 'facetious.'
Those people over at Xbox seem to be pretty committed about us being idiots.
Drinking game where u take a drink whenever u drink
I don't even know who all these tits in my phone belong to.
IKEA is Swedish for “where married couples fight.”
One man's trash is another man's wife.
Fact: Girls with "Broken" or "Disaster" in their Twitter name are gonna try to put stuff in your butt.
I'm not a premature ejaculator, my dick is just being spontaneous.
Do mermaids smoke seaweed?
I got banned from the local bowling alley for inappropriately fingering the balls.