I can't fathom the amount of self-hatred a person must have to eat regular Oreos and not Double Stuf.

My murderer could get 10 stabs in before I could get through all my Words with Friends alerts and call 911.

Right now, I can't think of a show with more meaningfulness than King of the Hill.

President Obama's speech is making cry horribly

"This singer, Francine, Jim James, has THE most angelic voice. He makes Enya sound like a Russian couple arguing at the bowling alley."

Roger as Kevin Bacon is one of my all-time favorite American Dad moments.

Just stabbed myself in the boob with a fork. I think that means its time to go to bed.

I LOVE THE RED SOX.

If you don't have dirt in your bra, you're not gardening hard enough.

Yes, my bunny stands up on the side of my wheelchair and licks my hand when I'm giving out treats. Sorry if you just died of cuteness.

Crowd outside the White house waving flags and singing The National Anthem and God Bless America.

The Drag Queen/Baseball Gods smiled upon me today and proclaimed: "No Red Sox game on the night of the Drag Race finale!" Amen.

Mila "Sweet Lips" Kunis.

Why does Don change his voice when broadcasting for TBS? #redsox

I want to marry a cowboy, move to Wyoming and live happily ever after...

Bartolo Colon: Carlos Mencia's less ugly brother.

For the love of God, someone please help me: What do you do when none of your USB ports work?

I'm a Superfan of Boston Red Sox on @getglue http://bit.ly/rktsNv

There's a snake in my boot!

@mimidelmar Yes, thank you. <3