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How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
If you say 'gullible' really slow it sounds like 'orange.'
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” -Steve Jobs
I think America really missed the boat on afternoon siestas.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
My string cheese just told me that it takes a week to make a jellybean! what!
Search "do a barrel roll" on google.
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
I know you shouldn't run away from your feelings but I could really use the exercise today.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Driving with friends through a tunnel gives you carpooltunnel.
I've never seen scarface, but I like to imagine when Al Pacino says "say hello to my little friend" that he pulls out a baby hedgehog.
Me: I'm an open book.
Him: A hard to read book. Big words. Tiny letters. Never any pictures.
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for fresh prints.