Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Cop pulls me over
"Do u realise how fast u were going?"
"OH MAN,U WERE LIKE ＮＥＥＡＷＷ"
*cop runs off holding imaginary steering wheel*
*An Icelandic cop knocks on a door* "Mrs Jónsdóttir? There's no easy way to say this. Your husband fell into the volcano Eyjafjallajökull."
Knuckle tatts: P-L-A-N A-H-E-A
The Grammar Nazis burst in. "We know you're harbouring Jews, Mrs Gies"
"There ain't no Jews here!"
"Double negative! Search the attic, boys"
*segways into tavern* BARKEEP, YOUR FINEST WIFI PASSWORD.
Girl are you my punishment for building that illegal hydroelectricity plant? Because you are dam fine.
I'm living the dream. I'm naked at school and all my teeth are falling out.
"K don't stick ur dick in a man's butthole"
"Doc, I feel grouchy and my head turns 360 degrees."
"Sounds like irritable owl syndrome."
*doctor spontaneously combusts*
It's movie night at Police HQ. Rookie cop searches thru DVDs.
Cop: "Come on, just pick one & throw it over here!"
*Rookie cop throws 'Up'*
"Don't worry, Mary. As soon as we get home I'll tear this place a new arsehole on TripAdvisor," Joseph whispered softly.
John 1:1 - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with bird, and the Word was bird, and bird was the word, and everybody heard.
We're closing down abortion clinics because the Bible says all life is sacred.
*wipes out Afghan wedding in misplaced drone strike*
RT this if you are a disgusting sack of flesh afforded temporary consciousness on a tiny space rock hurtling through space.
Remind me again:
How many syllables are
Haikus meant to have?
Girl did you fall through every level of the geological sieves I use for analysing soil and sediment particles? Because you are fine.
My handshake brings all the boys to the yard. Damn right, it's firmer than yours.
Girl are you the patriarchy because I want to smash you.