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  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Thatcher's dead, Fergie's retired and Liverpool are going to win the league. Somewhere there's a Scouser with a lamp and no wishes left.

    • 3,464
    • FAVS
    faizzainal93Burds_1WildeThingyGram_is_God_TBcomronicusneumansecondofhernamecharleswrites
    • 8,170
    • RETWEETS
    LennybowMatthew09326337Dr_KendalscytheofreedTwo_Left_TweetPurryKebabEssahlongsdenalias_steven
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "Why not model for stock images?" they said.
    "What could possibly go wrong?" they said. pic.twitter.com/oF8icpgsqp

    • 4,060
    • FAVS
    JohnRDKingjimoncrmrobinrendletheglowstudioGaborLenardRossiHutchWhybrayonthevraydar
    • 6,579
    • RETWEETS
    SchottiSPECIAL1kpimarketingRichHawkinsDanielSmith247Marketing_Beespanda_doodlemaxrayDonaldASuth
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "OK, here are the stats. Make a graph so it looks like gun deaths have fallen since 2005."
    *graph guy sweats* pic.twitter.com/33XZ4823e5

    • 3,088
    • FAVS
    simedImposterbeniziBlindChowkebnaddy_pandeAtticusWestbenicus_rexlkp2011
    • 6,300
    • RETWEETS
    simedImposternik_narcoticlkp2011truthahn_TayShonApplebeeYashayyMihaveahugeprickdannybrooksy
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    .@barackobama great quote, would read again. 👍 pic.twitter.com/NTL6MaePKs

    • 1,820
    • FAVS
    juliapamilihplatinumdepotLSmith1982HavokAndHijinkssmeagolsfreeLorin_MartinBrad_Heath96AyamXII
    • 3,759
    • RETWEETS
    OfficialChasePthesmartymcflymhutchinjimiworrallIngerHaapasaariPatheticPixelstrevorliterary_lottie
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    *An Icelandic cop knocks on a door* "Mrs Jónsdóttir? There's no easy way to say this. Your husband fell into the volcano Eyjafjallajökull."

    • 2,894
    • FAVS
    erwinerwinerwinvirgillevingerhenry1jvNKSClassicsOmarQuidwaiMattDanisWaterPoloOllie1Hubel624
    • 1,956
    • RETWEETS
    chocolatbear44earthnationlivedave_mixOlamideBakare92shaykerinsDroppinbodys247WildBilboleximcrump
    flashemberbloptCornOnTheGoblinAceMakesWordsUpturnedBathtub101Raceytrash_sleepermichaeljhudsonehchinoLaser_Cat
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    I just don't know why there are so many xenophobic idiots arou- oh hang on, yes I do. I know exactly why. pic.twitter.com/hyRkvhpThO

    • 1,065
    • FAVS
    montedoggSpaceSyntaxGirlKelseyPaigeMayAlexLeeDeecaramelqueeenJezNoirGulwaliPkerryalynch
    • 3,188
    • RETWEETS
    MongolianGnomecaramelqueeengpreeveAgeSechsLokashnJezNoirEl_Mufrolucy_peelOliver__James
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    What idiot called it  http://UniformDating.com  and not Fuck The Police?

    • 1,861
    • FAVS
    glue70ElmoapeAudioweinersarcasticwbu_k4iFattSmelliotteyezabeelaJVertannes14
    • 2,219
    • RETWEETS
    chocolatbear44Audioweinercarlos_anubisJamesBusher_k4ispaceboyfngjohn_is_killarjan____
    dubstep4dadsUpturnedBathtub
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Easter, Hitler's birthday and 4/20 all on the same day? Somewhere there's a Christian Nazi stoner with a lamp and no wishes left.

    • 2,251
    • FAVS
    BlindChowEmilyCarson3ztrsteevomtoriaAdamBecketlionfacemusicsam_samtilstonJohnHand13
    • 1,598
    • RETWEETS
    AlexSmurphyvomtoriaWoddisTomcezzTransientBanditmarahaggeflashemberaarongreen_
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Cop pulls me over
    "Do u realise how fast u were going?"
    "No sir"
    "OH MAN,U WERE LIKE NEEAWW"
    *cop runs off holding imaginary steering wheel*

    • 2,245
    • FAVS
    AmarothecreatortaputechnictorinereedconnorphugelaurenxcroftawohwaPumpkinBeakLauraPalmer198
    • 1,533
    • RETWEETS
    1derful_cupcakeAHall88_SethCurtis_taylorfaselTheMikeMicGalmikezlilgapeach32anagramps
    sunfilterpainted_eelHella_Raddanjan13DustinAHarkinsmandystadtdavid8hughes
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    [US Airways meeting]
    American Airlines just got a 14yo girl arrested. How do we compete?
    *social media manager pulls out USB stick & winks*

    • 1,836
    • FAVS
    TylerRuyakParagadeSamajoooooonahfaralayWildeThingyBackpackerBooieDannyF147TheJustinDuncan
    • 1,809
    • RETWEETS
    omaratharrisonTertiaryFriendmissrobynalice50degreesamJSLauderdalezakattaxuCarterJayanEimearor
  • hrtbps
     
    hrtbps @hrtbps

    OK this is definitely the best quote a dad has ever given a newspaper to defend his son from accusations of racism. pic.twitter.com/93kxY0vAff

    • 1,193
    • FAVS
    ayemiyKeith0861Bigjdiddy_tyrellharrisalfielee_RHladkiwskyjbl4ckwater_supitshibo
    • 2,162
    • RETWEETS
    charrrkeybigbrovarBlackDogPartyKeith0861MelOreilly19701tsNicoShaunJohnson17HarryFuckingC
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    ∧ ∧
    (・_・)っ SOMEONE
    (っ /
    Lノ┘

     ∧___∧
    ⊂(・_・ ) RETWEETED
     ヽ ⊂二/
     (⌒) /

    /        \ 
    |  ●    ●   | MY
    \   __ / RETWEET

    • 1,417
    • FAVS
    GrindleyTomdshellard_thecharlotteemapplejosh23moscva_muleThatgirlnoacathgibbinsj_uanlu
    • 1,371
    • RETWEETS
    dshellard_ThatgirlnoacoldnwindySankofaMindToby_HancockUsamaMCCBarbiieMeThatConnorGuy_
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    THE UNSTOPPABLE RISE OF UKIP:
    1997: zero MPs
    2001: zero MPs
    2005: zero MPs
    2010: zero MPs

    • 724
    • FAVS
    PerdutaGenteiainhoeyBluemurder1_alexabeatricegerrievannoordWoodgerSRegularLukedafaconda
    • 1,300
    • RETWEETS
    _Xtin_sdsolleNathan_Adam94jamespurdlen_atkinzian_hall39RetardedGuyAndrea_J40
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    In tomorrow's Mail, as our reporter is given a full course of chemotherapy after faking cancer, we ask is the NHS wasting taxpayers' money?

    • 644
    • FAVS
    ellastephensotjwright20AnvilstodropcharlphoebemisskebayfJen_Hastingshampshireasermrspookie1975
    • 1,304
    • RETWEETS
    Anvilstodropmisskebayfemma_garner_AdamJones1995ZarkwanfrangoddardjohnskiebeatsSaharEljack
  • hrtbps
     
    hrtbps @hrtbps

    "Unions shouldn't use 2yo ballot in which tiny % of members voted as mandate for strike" says govt voted for by 23% of electorate 4 yrs ago.

    • 446
    • FAVS
    ChrisNorcombeHuffPostUKComAlexBThomsonjacklindsay1994TheLaughingOwlsLewisJDaffSilvrix869brackencottage
    • 1,441
    • RETWEETS
    DrDanMcelsdraegerlozzlemcfozzleLewisJDaffmadeingrimsbyPedal4Epilepsyjenwistangelinaballa
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Knuckle tatts: P-L-A-N A-H-E-A

    • 878
    • FAVS
    JVertannes14AFC_CompsAlexHdidoumoishenoe1g00phyCausticChrisBlindChowjulyorforever
    • 808
    • RETWEETS
    chocolatbear44AodhanMullanAFChit_88gunnerpunnerNuclearSquid42imurdaddy_AbdAisaaccharlmeyer
    WildeThingyWhiskeySoured__AceMakesWords
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Girl are you my punishment for building that illegal hydroelectricity plant? Because you are dam fine.

    • 971
    • FAVS
    LolaSikesCausticChrissandypants99MaryJackalopeBillDavies14undisagreeableFournierDillonsamwilkinsqpr
    • 656
    • RETWEETS
    MaryJackalopeBillDavies14AndrewTheMorrisblidamonamour_yasmine_mYouThirstyOneJoshD070codepodu
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    BREAKING: All mental health issues solved after man in st. tells sufferer to "cheer up". "Why the fuck didn't we try this?" ask baffled docs

    • 789
    • FAVS
    LiReznickj_evnsKierenAshhaley_GspotMaggieMimsyslambunctiousRomrawrmznsoor
    • 796
    • RETWEETS
    spaceboyfnglarisagribbenKiwigirl58SigHolmesKierenAshthesoftsellmazzmatazzsagger5000
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    *segways into tavern* BARKEEP, YOUR FINEST WIFI PASSWORD.

    • 1,005
    • FAVS
    clarissa_daviesalexxa_raeeeMiz_Mental_CaseLerkymainbritbitchGerntTNDusty_MachineAPrettyCoolDad
    • 517
    • RETWEETS
    chocolatbear44Dusty_MachineMark_LinnBaterTrilliJean69clubadubdubChristaenHJennaloveshpwhoislukecusick
    EenfidelJasonLastname
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Remind your friends and family what a vote for Ukip actually means. pic.twitter.com/h3LYH9QjbE

    • 261
    • FAVS
    mm_cherylcpfairleyscottsharp510goodallsixPetalJoanneFatherJazzBenJOHNWaldronKierenAsh
    • 1,138
    • RETWEETS
    mm_cherylShahid_O8stacey_32x________helloiamlucyjpcapstickmichelemcpaulkertongoodallsix
@hrtbps

@hrtbps

| ˈhɑːtbiːps |