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Thatcher's dead, Fergie's retired and Liverpool are going to win the league. Somewhere there's a Scouser with a lamp and no wishes left.
*An Icelandic cop knocks on a door* "Mrs Jónsdóttir? There's no easy way to say this. Your husband fell into the volcano Eyjafjallajökull."
Cop pulls me over
"Do u realise how fast u were going?"
"OH MAN,U WERE LIKE ＮＥＥＡＷＷ"
*cop runs off holding imaginary steering wheel*
DAVID CAMERON GOOGLE HISTORY:
- What is Ebola?
- Can you privatise Ebola?
- Can you blame Ebola on previous govt?
- Ukip Ebola policy
Easter, Hitler's birthday and 4/20 all on the same day? Somewhere there's a Christian Nazi stoner with a lamp and no wishes left.
[US Airways meeting]
American Airlines just got a 14yo girl arrested. How do we compete?
*social media manager pulls out USB stick & winks*
⊂(・＿・ ) RETWEETED
| ● ● | MY
＼ ＿＿ ／ RETWEET
The Ched Evans thing is difficult. On one hand, he's an unrepentant convicted rapist. On the other, HE'S AN UNREPENTANT CONVICTED RAPIST.
How can I be racist? Some of my best friends are second and third generation immigrants whose anglicisation means I no longer fear them.
In tomorrow's Mail, as our reporter is given a full course of chemotherapy after faking cancer, we ask is the NHS wasting taxpayers' money?
Ugh, worst xmas ever. My parents bought me a black iPhone 5 when I specifically asked for the very cup Christ drank from at the last supper.
| ˈhɑːtbiːps |
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