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  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Thatcher's dead, Fergie's retired and Liverpool are going to win the league. Somewhere there's a Scouser with a lamp and no wishes left.

    • 3,464
    • FAVS
    faizzainal93Burds_1WildeThingyGram_is_God_TBcomronicusneumansecondofhernamecharleswrites
    • 8,170
    • RETWEETS
    LennybowMatthew09326337Dr_KendalscytheofreedTwo_Left_TweetPurryKebabEssahlongsdenalias_steven
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "Why not model for stock images?" they said.
    "What could possibly go wrong?" they said. pic.twitter.com/oF8icpgsqp

    • 4,091
    • FAVS
    ken_is_busywalker_ajwdariusmfFranBentleyAJ_SadowskiAdrianics4kMrMaggiesDadWalidAit
    • 6,587
    • RETWEETS
    bardgalDudette9t9MayaCeciliei02baericthuwhoconormismynameTawtalitarianAJ_Sadowski
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "OK, here are the stats. Make a graph so it looks like gun deaths have fallen since 2005."
    *graph guy sweats* pic.twitter.com/33XZ4823e5

    • 3,157
    • FAVS
    justinebowlumprthrbigheaddemonJohnMur3SachdevaNatashaReticentTurnipMKaigwatriciawang
    • 6,387
    • RETWEETS
    bigheaddemonlablayersstonehSachdevaNatashapetermcd1010AKAMEDIASYSTEMtriciawangwaldron76
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    .@barackobama great quote, would read again. 👍 pic.twitter.com/NTL6MaePKs

    • 1,820
    • FAVS
    Finn_WhovianjuliapamilihplatinumdepotLSmith1982HavokAndHijinkssmeagolsfreeLorin_MartinBrad_Heath96
    • 3,759
    • RETWEETS
    OfficialChasePthesmartymcflymhutchinjimiworrallIngerHaapasaariPatheticPixelstrevorliterary_lottie
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    *An Icelandic cop knocks on a door* "Mrs Jónsdóttir? There's no easy way to say this. Your husband fell into the volcano Eyjafjallajökull."

    • 2,996
    • FAVS
    t0rinovaodof_34andriornkissthemachinehitmonjakecanyewestonEndhooSNicholasTurk618
    • 2,044
    • RETWEETS
    TheamazingpokoTJBORGfound_goldthegoatmajesticGhoulishGambinoRolandJordanInvisible_AnusDukeRaccoon
    flashemberbloptCornOnTheGoblinAceMakesWordsUpturnedBathtub101Raceytrash_sleepermichaeljhudsonseeczarLaser_Cat
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    What idiot called it  http://UniformDating.com  and not Fuck The Police?

    • 2,024
    • FAVS
    bollcocksm4y0naise_pallasadesLewisRids3RoryMeepgIIaceondouusedfifimcp
    • 2,343
    • RETWEETS
    niasha_lynchpsyvhonowthenwardybumJohnl3nn0nNotSoSlimWadeyRoryMeepgIIaceonLanaTannam
    dubstep4dadsUpturnedBathtub
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    I just don't know why there are so many xenophobic idiots arou- oh hang on, yes I do. I know exactly why. pic.twitter.com/hyRkvhpThO

    • 1,065
    • FAVS
    montedoggSpaceSyntaxGirlKelseyPaigeMayAlexLeeDeeccccandraJezNoirGulwaliPkerryalynch
    • 3,188
    • RETWEETS
    MongolianGnomeccccandragpreeveAgeSechsLokashnJezNoirEl_Mufrolucy_peelOliver__James
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Cop pulls me over
    "Do u realise how fast u were going?"
    "No sir"
    "OH MAN,U WERE LIKE NEEAWW"
    *cop runs off holding imaginary steering wheel*

    • 2,427
    • FAVS
    toothlesslukecollinwelch3fc_rayGavinMixonkirstymckay_mikewaldron115TallGlassOTallthelbaum
    • 1,622
    • RETWEETS
    mikewaldron115tinatom31TallGlassOTallLauren_NJriverallbaugh17therealholsteinOhThatGingerKidnathanhoofard
    sunfilterpainted_eelHella_Raddanjan13DustinAHarkinsmandystadtdavid8hughes
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Easter, Hitler's birthday and 4/20 all on the same day? Somewhere there's a Christian Nazi stoner with a lamp and no wishes left.

    • 2,251
    • FAVS
    tejanoheatBlindChowEmilyCarson3ztrsteevomtoriaAdamBecketlionfacemusicsam_samtilston
    • 1,598
    • RETWEETS
    AlexSmurphyvomtoriaWoddisTomcezzTransientBanditmarahaggeflashemberaarongreen_
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    [US Airways meeting]
    American Airlines just got a 14yo girl arrested. How do we compete?
    *social media manager pulls out USB stick & winks*

    • 1,837
    • FAVS
    DukeRaccoonTylerRuyakParagadeSamajoooooonahfaralayWildeThingyBackpackerBooieDannyF147
    • 1,809
    • RETWEETS
    omaratharrisonTertiaryFriendmissrobynalice50degreesamJSLauderdalezakattaxuCarterJayanEimearor
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    DAVID CAMERON GOOGLE HISTORY:

    - What is Ebola?
    - Can you privatise Ebola?
    - Can you blame Ebola on previous govt?
    - Ukip Ebola policy

    • 1,555
    • FAVS
    timothycloguelaura_bryansSxbbyyThink_BecomeAnantarcticafatmcleaninrntNo_pun_in_10did
    • 2,090
    • RETWEETS
    timothyclogueJoe_12597Hayley_SporeyearoftheinsanefatmcleanhookermotelSlothfulToadNo_pun_in_10did
  • hrtbps
     
    hrtbps @hrtbps

    OK this is definitely the best quote a dad has ever given a newspaper to defend his son from accusations of racism. pic.twitter.com/93kxY0vAff

    • 1,193
    • FAVS
    ayemiyKeith0861Bigjdiddy_tyrellharrisalfielee_RHladkiwskyjbl4ckwater_supitshibo
    • 2,162
    • RETWEETS
    charrrkeybigbrovarBlackDogPartyKeith0861MelOreilly19701tsNicoShaunJohnson17HarryFuckingC
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    ∧ ∧
    (・_・)っ SOMEONE
    (っ /
    Lノ┘

     ∧___∧
    ⊂(・_・ ) RETWEETED
     ヽ ⊂二/
     (⌒) /

    /        \ 
    |  ●    ●   | MY
    \   __ / RETWEET

    • 1,417
    • FAVS
    dottymurfOriginalAsifrolfesmBONER_POWER_420GrindleyTomdshellard_thecharlotteemapplejosh23
    • 1,371
    • RETWEETS
    mrmurphsterKoochykoohdshellard_ThatgirlnoacoldnwindySankofaMindToby_HancockUsamaMCC__
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    In tomorrow's Mail, as our reporter is given a full course of chemotherapy after faking cancer, we ask is the NHS wasting taxpayers' money?

    • 645
    • FAVS
    DukeRaccoonMikeyWoosterSentFromMyPhoneKillAllHippies_Caparzo8Tomcezzellastephensotjwright20
    • 1,304
    • RETWEETS
    MikeyWoosterherbz16shootyoud0wncantstandmen0w1tsNicoTomcezzAnvilstodropmisskebayf
  • hrtbps
     
    hrtbps @hrtbps

    "Unions shouldn't use 2yo ballot in which tiny % of members voted as mandate for strike" says govt voted for by 23% of electorate 4 yrs ago.

    • 446
    • FAVS
    ChrisNorcombeHuffPostUKComAlexBThomsonjacklindsay1994TheLaughingOwlsLewisJDaffSilvrix869brackencottage
    • 1,441
    • RETWEETS
    DrDanMcelsdraegerlozzlemcfozzleLewisJDaffmadeingrimsbyPedal4Epilepsyjenwistangelinaballa
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Girl are you my punishment for building that illegal hydroelectricity plant? Because you are dam fine.

    • 1,051
    • FAVS
    georgiewbuEmmetPurcellmikewaldron115jestcoastDonnie_Fairburnkavs86Treezy_Trevrecumbentvape
    • 696
    • RETWEETS
    WarAndSetPiecejloepromikewaldron115BillyGunn_heyitszanaaCaptainKrikyJamieIovinoTeejayRush
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Knuckle tatts: P-L-A-N A-H-E-A

    • 879
    • FAVS
    GoonerJDKbruiseddd_SheDoneGoodhelloiamPoppynishadtrivedielenagaragusojblumenauJVertannes14
    • 808
    • RETWEETS
    shaykerinsSheDoneGoodnishadtrivedichocolatbear44AodhanMullanAFChit_88gunnerpunnerNuclearSquid42
    WildeThingyWhiskeySoured__AceMakesWords
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    BREAKING: All mental health issues solved after man in st. tells sufferer to "cheer up". "Why the fuck didn't we try this?" ask baffled docs

    • 820
    • FAVS
    CydisticalJosh_Wenner_omibaloneyAlexandriaTRoelizzythegiraffekt_brnSangriaSurferLelandCK
    • 809
    • RETWEETS
    CydisticalamyhufstedlerrwoodcraftSangriaSurfergarrusbaedclaywrightOCD_Froglockwooddewitt
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    *segways into tavern* BARKEEP, YOUR FINEST WIFI PASSWORD.

    • 1,012
    • FAVS
    lilooetN0tSebastiancpaumierrowenmheartJordanN_ReedJamieDMJBrennyAndDaJetsInternet_Yam
    • 517
    • RETWEETS
    Internet_YamFrenulumBreveSheDoneGoodoakenshittchocolatbear44Dusty_MachineMark_LinnBaterTrilliJean69
    EenfidelJasonLastname
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Remind your friends and family what a vote for Ukip actually means. pic.twitter.com/h3LYH9QjbE

    • 276
    • FAVS
    reeducationllchalimangptrevorkevorsonbarnestoneworthEnxo65das_bastardboxerthecat13Caparzo8
    • 1,161
    • RETWEETS
    HollyGoMadlyCallum4CorpustyTrevorCarter4iamL4NCEtrevorkevorsonTheLEFTslayermelderhead1tara1
@hrtbps

@hrtbps

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