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  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Thatcher's dead, Fergie's retired and Liverpool are going to win the league. Somewhere there's a Scouser with a lamp and no wishes left.

    • 3,464
    • FAVS
    faizzainal93Burds_1WildeThingyGram_is_God_TBcomronicusneumansecondofhernamecharleswrites
    • 8,170
    • RETWEETS
    LennybowMatthew09326337Dr_KendalscytheofreedTwo_Left_TweetPurryKebabEssahlongsdenalias_steven
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "Why not model for stock images?" they said.
    "What could possibly go wrong?" they said. pic.twitter.com/oF8icpgsqp

    • 4,190
    • FAVS
    samaucottOlMlARSagar_VazeGiantCalGunnerJared_Timmgu_kevinsantonu_kTimbo_Slice1991
    • 6,676
    • RETWEETS
    bronco_shmoncoemilievekrummitchelsneddonAll_Time_LoziljimmobootR1CH_H4LLJared_Timmyiadom__
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "OK, here are the stats. Make a graph so it looks like gun deaths have fallen since 2005."
    *graph guy sweats* pic.twitter.com/33XZ4823e5

    • 3,157
    • FAVS
    antpawFraser_Fifeadamfschwartzcalculus_girlzachgrosserfawaz_shahtravisehyde98
    • 6,387
    • RETWEETS
    jefferiahWeb_Coach_101ddtrejokleinschmidttravisVarnyham0tendMarkosCFC
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    .@barackobama great quote, would read again. 👍 pic.twitter.com/NTL6MaePKs

    • 1,820
    • FAVS
    SheeyahsheeFinnofTheShirejuliapamilihplatinumdepotLSmith1982HavokAndHijinkssmeagolsfreeLorin_Martin
    • 3,759
    • RETWEETS
    OfficialChasePthesmartymcflymhutchinjimiworrallIngerHaapasaariPatheticPixelstrevorliterary_lottie
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    *An Icelandic cop knocks on a door* "Mrs Jónsdóttir? There's no easy way to say this. Your husband fell into the volcano Eyjafjallajökull."

    • 3,262
    • FAVS
    GuntarsKmcpheeceoplanetcoruscantJaleel_HHgrantgriesel666blankenshipKorrinieStrivingAlly
    • 2,195
    • RETWEETS
    DanCheethamMsalehkaniITuoheybeduvasRhysGould7grantgriesel666ArchYourBack165charbelKamal
    flashemberbloptCornOnTheGoblinAceMakesWordsUpturnedBathtub101Raceytrash_sleepermichaeljhudsonehchinoLaser_Cat
  • hrtbps
     
    hrtbps @hrtbps

    OK this is definitely the best quote a dad has ever given a newspaper to defend his son from accusations of racism. pic.twitter.com/93kxY0vAff

    • 2,301
    • FAVS
    AmyLouisa1tasha97xSteveReevesUKEvanS8225RhysAgainstakidcalledsydchloerutterrlauren_mx
    • 3,112
    • RETWEETS
    Lauren_NakhlehOwlLee_RhysAgainstDavidD1petersDaisyJessopsashstuart_sxnyatheemadxelf
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    I just don't know why there are so many xenophobic idiots arou- oh hang on, yes I do. I know exactly why. pic.twitter.com/hyRkvhpThO

    • 1,138
    • FAVS
    SimonCesaireOlouislouisOOllymillettPete_Devnickobrienapricotcreamscatbxoajmaitland1
    • 3,287
    • RETWEETS
    SimonCesaireabrook5Nabbyy786BenWalkerCRachiePowersPete_DevnickobrienJillyBoyd
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    What idiot called it  http://UniformDating.com  and not Fuck The Police?

    • 2,037
    • FAVS
    eddysteadygoalxmrchlCalumDunnettD3stini3TwitDalonBaxterAnnaBlink7KenmaKozumeeclipstreu
    • 2,346
    • RETWEETS
    jackclunieimnotquitejesusclipstreukiwipoliceCaptainFlukeCalTomkinssttamarafuckdaretweets
    dubstep4dadsUpturnedBathtub
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Cop pulls me over
    "Do u realise how fast u were going?"
    "No sir"
    "OH MAN,U WERE LIKE NEEAWW"
    *cop runs off holding imaginary steering wheel*

    • 2,489
    • FAVS
    _TommyJusticeyunnziAndrew13031PATdaTRUTH18melgan1zivkitisTheToddWilliamsanyberg47
    • 1,654
    • RETWEETS
    kaitgoesvroomtucknastyBryainiacHiddenPinkyKayceeBartelsdietrichhansonAyeeAngelicaathatmoustache
    sunfilterpainted_eelHella_Raddanjan13DustinAHarkinsmandystadtdavid8hughes
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    DAVID CAMERON GOOGLE HISTORY:

    - What is Ebola?
    - Can you privatise Ebola?
    - Can you blame Ebola on previous govt?
    - Ukip Ebola policy

    • 1,681
    • FAVS
    dilettantiquitysteve_j95carouseldiaryMissHWainwrightafynounicehandwritingkieranst3vensonlouis_browne
    • 2,225
    • RETWEETS
    MarmiteJunctionMissMiyakeGameplayJennyIronManModeTeaAndCopyNeurolawGuymoremilkplsBramptoneagle
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Easter, Hitler's birthday and 4/20 all on the same day? Somewhere there's a Christian Nazi stoner with a lamp and no wishes left.

    • 2,251
    • FAVS
    tejanoheatBlindChowEmilyCarson3ztrsteevomtoriaAdamBecketlionfacemusicsam_samtilston
    • 1,598
    • RETWEETS
    AlexSmurphyvomtoriaWoddisTomcezzTransientBanditmarahaggeflashemberaarongreen_
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    [US Airways meeting]
    American Airlines just got a 14yo girl arrested. How do we compete?
    *social media manager pulls out USB stick & winks*

    • 1,837
    • FAVS
    DukeRaccoonTylerRuyakParagadeSamajoooooonahfaralayWildeThingyBackpackerBooieDannyF147
    • 1,809
    • RETWEETS
    omaratharrisonTertiaryFriendmissrobynalice50degreesamJSLauderdalezakhariy93CarterJayanEimearor
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Just picked up the Fifty Shade of Grey sequel. Difficult to follow so far. pic.twitter.com/JHDHpFImjt

    • 2,003
    • FAVS
    EmilyJKempselenainheavenBlackfyrexalicegregancescXbombwillreviewsYahDremPeewatbilly509
    • 1,570
    • RETWEETS
    Robrguthcpaulethegh0stofchrisSophTyrannicideJamal_Lives_OnYahDremdannyfkndeezYungxTears
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    ∧ ∧
    (・_・)っ SOMEONE
    (っ /
    Lノ┘

     ∧___∧
    ⊂(・_・ ) RETWEETED
     ヽ ⊂二/
     (⌒) /

    /        \ 
    |  ●    ●   | MY
    \   __ / RETWEET

    • 1,417
    • FAVS
    est312soIidgolddottymurfOriginalAsifrolfesmBONER_POWER_420GrindleyTomdshellard_
    • 1,371
    • RETWEETS
    SimonjenkinhansmollmansoIidgoldgeorgemckay_mrmurphsterKoochykoohdshellard_Thatgirlnoa
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    The Ched Evans thing is difficult. On one hand, he's an unrepentant convicted rapist. On the other, HE'S AN UNREPENTANT CONVICTED RAPIST.

    • 1,179
    • FAVS
    TomHymaslauracccartermissmcphailastuartpypertaylorp0rkpennygrayyageatontomorrows_girls
    • 1,433
    • RETWEETS
    astuartpyperflomatthews_georgiamtracyrosselsewhereCharina4287KavitaarrSonal_x_leesh
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    How can I be racist? Some of my best friends are second and third generation immigrants whose anglicisation means I no longer fear them.

    • 1,097
    • FAVS
    OhhhFordSamDipple_eleanorchandleriamnotbeckpostcrunkPippa_6louisaviviennet0m_myers
    • 874
    • RETWEETS
    RosieFerriesjames_tiredTheCampaignClubMikkelDyhrNickJISmithChiamakaaa_naomifoxtailSleepyToye
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    In tomorrow's Mail, as our reporter is given a full course of chemotherapy after faking cancer, we ask is the NHS wasting taxpayers' money?

    • 645
    • FAVS
    billynomatesplanet_shaneDukeRaccoonMikeyWoosterSentFromMyPhoneKillAllHippies_Caparzo8Tomcezz
    • 1,304
    • RETWEETS
    Markymoomoo39GovChamborey9MikeyWoosterherbz16__talkt0night_probseatin1tsNicoTomcezz
  • hrtbps
    • 1,131
    • FAVS
    keiranburnettjamesbarleyconnectformusicSaddestFingerrkg2787LayDelReyiokastimoujurajivan
    • 813
    • RETWEETS
    joeecarterrrzomfiesteenspearatSabrephreakabcdelephant_imalazyloverStuzlescottjk95
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Ugh, worst xmas ever. My parents bought me a black iPhone 5 when I specifically asked for the very cup Christ drank from at the last supper.

    • 1,090
    • FAVS
    OfficialZacDsoIidgoldRina_ThompcorstejoJgsteadygreensoulProofer3NURSEUNDERCOVER
    • 846
    • RETWEETS
    boredbeckyProofer3Neilone77Leanne_GingeNURSEUNDERCOVERKeironScottciarancolganJgsteady
@hrtbps

@hrtbps

| ˈhɑːtbiːps |

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