Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Thatcher's dead, Fergie's retired and Liverpool are going to win the league. Somewhere there's a Scouser with a lamp and no wishes left.
*An Icelandic cop knocks on a door* "Mrs Jónsdóttir? There's no easy way to say this. Your husband fell into the volcano Eyjafjallajökull."
Easter, Hitler's birthday and 4/20 all on the same day? Somewhere there's a Christian Nazi stoner with a lamp and no wishes left.
Cop pulls me over
"Do u realise how fast u were going?"
"OH MAN,U WERE LIKE ＮＥＥＡＷＷ"
*cop runs off holding imaginary steering wheel*
[US Airways meeting]
American Airlines just got a 14yo girl arrested. How do we compete?
*social media manager pulls out USB stick & winks*
⊂(・＿・ ) RETWEETED
| ● ● | MY
＼ ＿＿ ／ RETWEET
THE UNSTOPPABLE RISE OF UKIP:
1997: zero MPs
2001: zero MPs
2005: zero MPs
2010: zero MPs
In tomorrow's Mail, as our reporter is given a full course of chemotherapy after faking cancer, we ask is the NHS wasting taxpayers' money?
"Unions shouldn't use 2yo ballot in which tiny % of members voted as mandate for strike" says govt voted for by 23% of electorate 4 yrs ago.
Girl are you my punishment for building that illegal hydroelectricity plant? Because you are dam fine.
Knuckle tatts: P-L-A-N A-H-E-A
BREAKING: All mental health issues solved after man in st. tells sufferer to "cheer up". "Why the fuck didn't we try this?" ask baffled docs
*segways into tavern* BARKEEP, YOUR FINEST WIFI PASSWORD.