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  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Thatcher's dead, Fergie's retired and Liverpool are going to win the league. Somewhere there's a Scouser with a lamp and no wishes left.

    • 3,305
    • FAVS
    bobclopsKClarryAshton515JackHayes46greggunn7Zeerak_KianiSam_Harvey17Christinex13x
    • 7,965
    • RETWEETS
    MoffatFivescbsktaforktungzRogueStathfarahinhusinhigham_dannyRyanPatel96Brad_liam_Wyatt
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "Why not model for stock images?" they said.
    "What could possibly go wrong?" they said. pic.twitter.com/oF8icpgsqp

    • 4,004
    • FAVS
    jordoritosMBerrietLudiumbn2bBrotherCrothers90alxtxnygcatsylvain
    • 6,529
    • RETWEETS
    HausofElviswakeandblake188dearchonitaJeazy15BarbaraEWeselakWestEndCassidyseomalaysianCalumPurdie
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "OK, here are the stats. Make a graph so it looks like gun deaths have fallen since 2005."
    *graph guy sweats* pic.twitter.com/33XZ4823e5

    • 2,930
    • FAVS
    safeasmilkvJosefSalomonsonGAndrews18MrLikerBikerscareblairit_girl_saOJS611FarranKhalil
    • 6,033
    • RETWEETS
    ojarvaHudsonAverymturnwallMohamedAmirullaolefriisHindustaniRaniDomaerysPROGRAM_IX
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    I just don't know why there are so many xenophobic idiots arou- oh hang on, yes I do. I know exactly why. pic.twitter.com/hyRkvhpThO

    • 1,012
    • FAVS
    tiffanygardner_PaulMMartinwill_murphy93FactionComicsDillyLotageorgehansentbhKHLbiglocal2012Slanecartoons
    • 3,110
    • RETWEETS
    Will_Lawrence1Fuck_yeah_broThunder9882georgiaflatterstexasdunkolildudedavejhaddenmamiof3kids
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    [US Airways meeting]
    American Airlines just got a 14yo girl arrested. How do we compete?
    *social media manager pulls out USB stick & winks*

    • 1,821
    • FAVS
    raquelitaKeithTanmanlaurapain_OwenPReesfirstrockboneAbbyKommorandrealortizokayjulia
    • 1,809
    • RETWEETS
    OwenPReesschmitty418farhaanazizChickenMclovinCoreyVanPhorcejmab35thebarackosamaIamnot_okay
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    What idiot called it  http://UniformDating.com  and not Fuck The Police?

    • 1,352
    • FAVS
    finlogieEricGamonalalexaschummerKittyBangBangsInvictaRedamyandelizabethBogeyThiefOriginalRogue
    • 1,922
    • RETWEETS
    megwarnlsfBlakeBacklashBillieDunlevyMattGlynDoktorBloodiainhGeorgeStevens11kittydevine123
    dubstep4dadsActingAnEejit
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Cop pulls me over
    "Do u realise how fast u were going?"
    "No sir"
    "OH MAN,U WERE LIKE NEEAWW"
    *cop runs off holding imaginary steering wheel*

    • 1,868
    • FAVS
    thatcalhounkidAliElizaaaalexsivanichHellmersChristaVirgilioG12SpirituaLSunappleshampooingnikepinksunrise
    • 1,299
    • RETWEETS
    StevieC7MizeGarrettButtFumesmitchgriestUnhingedBlahMiranda_MescudiSchwingel80fathotpotato
    sunfilterpainted_eelHella_Raddanjan13DustinAHarkinsmandystadtdavid8hughes
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    *An Icelandic cop knocks on a door* "Mrs Jónsdóttir? There's no easy way to say this. Your husband fell into the volcano Eyjafjallajökull."

    • 1,203
    • FAVS
    torbjornheldalOllerBackhennnehezrasinterludeFate423Snoozeannejordoritosalexaschummer
    • 1,073
    • RETWEETS
    MariusBerg96prebzzzlordofrivendelljordoritosaltforfrekkruneholmelidKaviarstjernaJaymiDavidson
    bloptCornOnTheGoblinAceMakesWordsActingAnEejit101Raceytrash_sleepermichaeljhudsonehchinooLaser_Cat
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    ∧ ∧
    (・_・)っ SOMEONE
    (っ /
    Lノ┘

     ∧___∧
    ⊂(・_・ ) RETWEETED
     ヽ ⊂二/
     (⌒) /

    /        \ 
    |  ●    ●   | MY
    \   __ / RETWEET

    • 699
    • FAVS
    Majororganjackbish0pganonscastledankemonFluVirus_ishootdownstarshannah_natiaCatOwlBlue
    • 884
    • RETWEETS
    tomalmonddFluVirus_surelynotmeganCatOwlBluecoxtonyardbasedNinaheidBillyAllTimeLowlameboycolor
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    BREAKING: All mental health issues solved after man in st. tells sufferer to "cheer up". "Why the fuck didn't we try this?" ask baffled docs

    • 644
    • FAVS
    kaileyy95FluffleMcDufflewilky1514sanikiwaTeenyTreatsunalalalaMiss_MartensCrimson_Chin
    • 670
    • RETWEETS
    Finn_Whoviansoltysjmaryyasmineemmajustice_kaileyy95themilonesbittGlenHarwicknoobs_r_us
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Knuckle tatts: P-L-A-N A-H-E-A

    • 627
    • FAVS
    chrisiswhoiamHome_Halfwayug1ybettymaryfleming007Zed418_searle_mattcrestealkraken
    • 675
    • RETWEETS
    Finn_Whoviansoltysjcj_allansikejonzemetanameHarassedMeLadypixiebooMichaelOwen25
    AceMakesWords
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    An incredible view over London from #UKIP HQ as Britain prepares for its first gay marriages. pic.twitter.com/VREHQaXV45

    • 373
    • FAVS
    trrebyNickC46GuitaringLanceyadamtendlerhal_aplMr_SjS_95oxygenplugKMDWSTT
    • 830
    • RETWEETS
    hal_aplKKiranCBenJOHNWaldronLibertarianBlueandymillingtonJesseSmith1970frdavidlloydEfanDonovan
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "Fucking immigrants!" -AndyInSpain
    "This countrys fucked" -ExpatSteve
    "They should fuck off home" -CostaDelBarry
    "What's irony?" -BritAbroad

    • 488
    • FAVS
    is0lation_JesticklzDaniel209DanielHappyJoyfairykazkidman_93laurenGindyGindyjBecciSays
    • 645
    • RETWEETS
    _mexicanseafoodis0lation_Jesticklzpeaceangel1888paulatki_93laurenshakatiniraquelburritos
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    The Grammar Nazis burst in. "We know you're harbouring Jews, Mrs Gies"
    "There ain't no Jews here!"
    "Double negative! Search the attic, boys"

    • 658
    • FAVS
    jackbish0pchrisiswhoiamchav_whitcherHome_HalfwayjordoritosMartinJajouWillrobinson97Tom_of_England
    • 472
    • RETWEETS
    benfuncletomalmonddjackbish0pNotsocommonlisakimmysutjackbibby1tdwoodheadMeowchick
    NeutronReDanielRCarrillo
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    *segways into tavern* BARKEEP, YOUR FINEST WIFI PASSWORD.

    • 692
    • FAVS
    KyFaStchav_whitcherHome_Halfwaywill_greenwoodFlosephinewilky1514son_of_pedroAbortie
    • 380
    • RETWEETS
    djbendersoltysjmaryyasminecathwdMollie_WritesteylamadeshinyjenjenKonradny
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    "miss, can I ask why you're tweeting terrorist threats?"
    "officer, I'm.."
    *turns to camera*
    "14 years old"
    *cop arrests me anyway*

    • 649
    • FAVS
    adamw314GordonTheTopHatchristinawilder2Skate4uCaptainKrik__liwanagmrtnprzRad_shack
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    McComas51WrasslinConnorslvmpmrtnprzmorati_danielbluthalmondsnickerstalem4te
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    *creates heaven&earth*
    *creates land&sea*
    *creates sun&stars*
    *creates animals*
    *creates people*
    "K don't stick ur dick in a man's butthole"

    • 558
    • FAVS
    NazaratHussainpinkpinkblinkJohnASinclairsavv_annahsufiboygrandmar11143TollytonAmburglar_
    • 281
    • RETWEETS
    zoeeeooGrilledSteezNazaratHussainandrewj2009robertoboni95bedwardio__Hari__grhmspncr
    ky_chu
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Girl are you my punishment for building that illegal hydroelectricity plant? Because you are dam fine.

    • 445
    • FAVS
    dimattiafilmsamypaintjulioadriancgSmiggieBalls2SpettelAlangreen_babe_EndhooSloz777777
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    Finn_Whoviandimattiafilmsamypaintok_jnreuroviciousgreen_babe_MysticalMikeAmlj34
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    My New Year's resolution is *removes sunglasses* 2048x1080. I'll explain. *perches on desk* You see, the word 'resolution' can also refer t

    • 355
    • FAVS
    cesarAalvareztonitjedanielmcknight_kagimu_j360LenzJimmyStaxXxgreen_babe_EndhooS
    • 409
    • RETWEETS
    cesarAalvarezkagimu_jthekerororistJimmyStaxXxgreen_babe_Will_3rdSuzBeaupreEUcosmonaut
  • hrtbps
      hrtbps @hrtbps

    Clocks go forward on Mother's Day, reducing it to just 23 hours long. Coincidence? #patriarchy

    • 263
    • FAVS
    Megoblishchristinawildercharlphoebeameo02Senchi37MatthewRose1SamiiRimmerMadAsAChatter
    • 477
    • RETWEETS
    Arctic_MurrayGiannaTheRoseBeckalin15charlphoebeSenchi37kgvpolLucySowahconor_cymex
@hrtbps

@hrtbps

I will block you and everyone you love. ______________________________