I don't think he did it all for the nookie. A great deal, perhaps, but not all.

"Who wants to know?" - Waldo's attorney

"You didn't have to CUUUT ME OFFFF" - Gotye, experiencing road rage

"We now return to ''til the sweat drops down my balls: the Lil Jon Story' on A&E"

A Partridge in a Pear Tree? What do I do with this? It's winter. I cant even plant the damn tree, and we live in a duplex. I wanted an ipad.

Calm down, cologne commercials.

"Sunday morning!?!?" - the beginning of atheism

If your name is Sebastian and you don't let people call you 'Sea Bass', I don't even know, man. That's how messed up it would be.

I'm a lot better looking as a man after you consider how fucking hideous I would be as a woman.

Shaggy turned to the harder stuff after he had to put Scooby down.

The biggest difference between modern man and the caveman is that cavemen didn't need to worry about running out of propane mid-BBQ.

"Look, I've had sex with enough men to know that I'm not gay" - prisoners

I'm patient. I wait until someone is feeling a significant sense of self-worth. I then remind them about how they bought that Eiffel 65 CD.

@normmacdonald "Why didn't president wolfman just eat his opponent when he had the chance?" - disappointed mummy, tax-payer

oh so I see you can make an omelette for dinner but once I start braising some ribs for breakfast people start shakin their damn heads

People are willing to buy and consume yogurt- knowing full well where it comes from- yet my 'pee in a jar' business cant get off the ground.

Pretty sure you can make it to the Olympics for fencing for just owning fencing equipment.

It just feels like global warming is still worth not having to ride the bus.

"Well, kids, you already know your mum so I'ma drone for many hours about some other tang I rocked" - How I Met Your Mother

My sincerest condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss... quick question is there anywhere I can charge my phone?