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I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone. I shoved my hoof into a goat. I neighed, I hit a swan
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
*shows up 16 years late for work*
Don't tolerate people who keep bringing up your past mistakes. If Allah is willing to forgive you, who are they not to?
The young bucks at work lift their leg up to flush the urinal with their foot. I got my leg up halfway and sharted and pulled a hamstring.
The 5yo is in the bathroom screaming and punching the walls. I asked if she was okay and she yelled "GO AWAY. I HAVE TO DO THIS ON MY OWN."
Listening to Wham! in the bad part of town.
Back off bitch, I know Tae Bo.
Let's not discuss just how many times I've listened to Careless Whisper today, okay?
Chris Martin never talks about movies in interviews because he doesn’t want to admit his favorite film is “the last 15 minutes of Se7en.”
I am NOT the girl your mother warned you about. Her imagination was never this good.