Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
You come to appreciate granny panties when you see a granny thong.
Every time I tweet, it's like I am giving birth to a little word-baby.
I need one of those desk chairs from high school so I can crack my back properly
The fact that my mother dislikes my wife just confirms that I've made the right decision.
This too shall ... piss me off into a murderous rage
*scrolls through your TL*
*flips off AVIs*
I think this stripper likes me.
I'm not interested in other people's conversations until one of them says "Dude, that's fucked up." and then I'm all ears.
I want to know where they sell those socks with toes so I can burn it to the fucking ground.
If you watch Pulp Fiction backwards, it's about a bunch of people doing stuff in no particular order. So, basically it's the same.
It's amazing how fast you can get drunk when you hate everyone around you
Pretty sure my kids goldfish is on the meth.
Fucker hasn't blinked in 4 days
I don't have a tramp stamp and I love things, mostly tongues, in my butt. Butt stuff is for everyone.
My stages of drunk:
If I was a chick, I'd show all the sideboob.
I can’t stand people who drive the speed limit. I bet they are the same pricks who hump with the lights out and eat salads for lunch.
If you put me on speakerphone, I'm going to embarrass the fuck out of you.
Those dudes who enter air guitar competitions must get mad air pussy.
I wish I loved anything as much as people on twitter love wishing that they loved anything as much as somebody loves something.
Cynical, sarcastic asshole, and I'm fine with it, so piss off. I do not like you and I never will. Deal with it. Fuck you.