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If I was gay, every time my boyfriend denied me sex I’d call him Homoneglectus while pointing to my nuts.
Xmas Log - Dec 4
People need to stop fucking asking me what I want for Christmas. My list is the same every year:
If you've posted 1,000 pictures of your face, that means you've taken about 100,000 pictures of your face & that means you are fucking crazy
Haven’t used the wrong theierey’re in sooooo long.
A little Juddy is on the way. Fear not! It shall be raised as expected:
1st word - Fuck
Ethnicity - ‘Merican
Life mission - Kill all of you
Walk around ringing doorbells & everyone gives out a shot of booze or a bong rip to each other.
Make it happen.
Dreamt my buddy had shit in his mouth then blew a whistle and sprayed whistle shit all over his face. Never gonna look at him the same again
There are two types of people in the world and I fucking hate both of em.
“…fuckin Juddy” - All of you at some point
Men: Part of our job is leading women away from sadness, & to happiness. Don't matter how, just fuckin do it. Ur job is done when she smiles
This beer and Percocet taste like day off, motherfuckerrrrrrr.
Current status: Wearing Wifey’s bra on my head and yelling at her to act like an adult.
You appear insane. Followed.
I'm on a conference call with a bunch of Canadians so I just put "America, the Beautiful" on as background music.
Newbies: Don't worry about ppl who unfollow. You don't lose followers, you weed out weak fuckers who don't deserve to read your awesomeness.
Learn how to fix shit. It will get you blowjobs.
I just smoked so much fucking weed. 'Merica.
It used to be a 5-panel drug test, but these 10-panel tests make it a fuckload harder to score 100%. Anyone got any ludes?
It's 9am and I've already had the sex twice. Oh right, this is twitter. I mean HAHAHAHA! Losers.
I have opinions.
I openly share them.
I do not care who agrees with me.
Have some fucking balls.
Share your mind.
Cynical, sarcastic asshole, and I'm fine with it, so piss off. I do not like you and I never will. Deal with it. Fuck you.