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I just shit in my cat's litter box because she drank out of my cereal when I wasn't looking. Don't test me
Just ran over a baby rabbit. Now crying in the car #LikeABoss.
Good morning
If you don't know Sam Elliot, you've never seen #Roadhouse. If you've never seen Roadhouse you're allergic to gluten.
"Fuck you bitches, I'm out!"
- me to my bosses just now.
under my breath once I got inside my car
Do girls still like being called "sugar tits" or is my dad bullshitting me?
My Ambien/Kolonopin combo finally kicked in, weird green giraffe inside my phone.
12:00 - made resolution to not masturbate in 2013.
12:04 - tossed towel in laundry and made different resolution.
Just shit myself stretching for the remote. I made a vow that I would not peel myself off this couch today