Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Happy Cinco de. (Hold the mayo.)
If ONE more person says "May the Fourth be with you" I'm going to cut their dick (where applicable) and/or nipples off
4/21. Happy National Surprise Drug Test Day!
"I'm on a boat" -Boston bomber
Obama sent poisonous ricin in his mail.
Professional Obama: "We have a national problem on our hands."
Black Obama: "I got haters yo!"
When google mocks me by saying "Do you mean _______??" when I misspell shit, it makes me want to staple two kids together.
I think North Korea should consult a doctor, because their missile has been in the upright position for more than 4 hours.
Seriously the next person to call me psycho is getting stabbed to death
Anyone know any rap songs about bitches and money?
I'll never be an athlete, but give me a phone with 1% battery and I can make NFL running backs jealous of my agility.
I feel so violated when my iPhone sends green text messages
Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies is the main reason I have anger issues.
If you don't $ub$titute money $ign$ for the letter "S" I don't know how you expect me to think you're a $wagged out thug??
Whenever a girl doesn't tell me she's on her period and we fuck, I just keep yelling "IT BIT ME! HOLY SHIT YOUR VAGINA HAS TEETH!"
Me: Bless you!
Me: Bless you!
Me: Go to hell. Now you're just being a fucking douche.
I better get at least a handjob if you poke me on Facebook.
160 characters for this section? Tweets are getting fucking ripped off, man. I tweet random funny shit.