Dear People,

Stop saying Justin Bieber is gay. We don't want him either.

Yours Sincerely, Homosexuals.

If Microsoft made actual windows, our homes would be full of thieves and prostitutes.

Reporters around the world are telling us that Justin Bieber is a cult. Did they have the spellcheck turned off when they wrote that.

*IF YOU CAN READ THIS*


Then you're probably not using a Blackberry

@bbuk @xstex I'm hoping a celebrity will go in soon.

PJ & Duncan are back and they're No. 1! Ant & Dec top iTunes chart with Let's Get… #MailOnline  http://bit.ly/101FuNN  pic.twitter.com/Iv6BsltZOe

H from Steps is badly injured in hospital.

A helicopter landed on top of him.

Emile Heskey has joined twitter. He meant to join Facebook but he missed.

Panic buying at KFC as people hear that the Colonel's dead.

Sources have confirmed that Osama Bin Laden was buried at sea wearing a West Ham shirt....To keep him at the bottom.

I've started attending a self-help group for sex addicts. I haven't got an addiction. It's just a great way of meeting sluts.

BBC News: NHS announce new drug for depressed lesbians.

Trycoxagen

Wayne Rooney may not sign a new contract. DreamWorks are yet to release a statement.

The Big Twist is.....Jedward return! #xfactor

'24' return confirmed, Kiefer Sutherland signed up for new season  http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/ustv/s9/24/news/a481002/24-return-confirmed-kiefer-sutherland-signed-up-for-new-season.html … via @digitalspy

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.

Since the snow, all my missus keeps doing is looking through the window.

If it gets any worse I’m going to have let her back in the house.

I’m making a new film about gay woman

Miserable Les

One reason men and women are different...

Say ballroom to a woman she thinks dancing.

Say ballroom to a man he thinks boxer shorts.

Damn I forgot to go to the gym.

That's 20 years in a row that's happened.