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My 20 mile bike ride today would have been a lot better with a dildo strapped to my seat.
Hopefully this liquor will kill my cock breath
I always make sure to bang myself in the tanning bed...jus in case someones peeping over the walls into my room.
dear fat girls. putting an oversized belt around your waste does not cover up the fact that you are still a lard ass.
Um excuse me sir but if your penis is not all the way hard. It will not go in my vagina. Stop. Thanks
That's it. I'm bored. I'm flashing everyone.
just had a conversation about "hummers" with my dad!!! hum a tune on my bone-a-phone
"Im gunna act like I'm grabbin his dick"-Me "Dont be inappropriate, bend over and act like you're giving him a blow job"-My dad!
Heading to spin class again. Hoping for an orgasm if I rub it just right on the seat. Only reason I go.
Laying in bed so I started my nightly prayers. Than I caught my mind wandering off about the worlds largest penis. And mac n cheese.
So glad I have you all while I'm taking a shit.
is it just me or does it piss anyone else off when people make their smileys like (: instead of like :)
Just bout smacked myself in the face with my tampon when I took it out. Yum.
Bout to ride this dick like I'm in love.
MMMMMMM!!! You look so much sexier with photoshop!
Cat farts are the worst
the word "apeshit" always makes me laugh. APESHIT!!
Omg a cop! Everyone slam on your fucking breaks. Gotdamn idiots.
Tempted to shove this cucumber in my patty wagon and this carrot in my ass. Jus to say I did.
getting my vocals ready. any good ideas for songs i can hum to when im giving a hummer later