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The most productive thing that I've done today was eat an apple.
Sometimes, you just have to change your Twitter background to make it feel like you have your life together.
I simply use the word fuck to accentuate my point .
"Choke me." She whispered softly, as the midget in the bank walked past her.
If you love Arrested Development, there's probably a small chance that I love you.
This midget has a boob job and it's kind of hot
My beta fish is a bitch just like his mother, who happens to be me...
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm a bitch.
*rides around town in a 1998 Barbie Jeep only to get laughed at by six year olds*
Dante's Inferno is so fucking interesting. I just wished I didn't have to look up all of these bizarre references Alighieri makes.
Tying me up and force feeding me donuts sounds like quite the romantic night, if you want my opinion.
so if you're going crazy just grab me and take me
Show me, Bill Clinton style.
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get ulcers from what's eating you.
🍩 fuck with me.
Organize your porn collection in alphabetical order, so I know it's real
Can't tell if everyone around me is a jerk or maybe I just really smell.
I feel like I get my feelings hurt too easily, but my brain's all like,
"Be a man, you puss."
I cry about it, then let my balls drop.
Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean that I have no idea what I'm doing here...
Just kidding. Someone help me.