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Dear 100% Recycled Toilet Paper,
Please define "Recycled"
Whoever said "Laughter is the best medicine" never had gonorrhea.
The difference between a porcupine and a BMW? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
I wonder when they will start "Undercover Boss China - Sweatshop Edition"
Is everyone still Kung Fu fighting?
Who the hell left the bag of idiots open again?!?!
Somewhere out there, a neurotic chicken really wants to cross the road but is paralyzed by knowing that everyone will question his motives.
And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world...
Then He made the earth round and laughed...
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said she was expecting 6 inches tonight....I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!
People should have to speak with 140 characters or less. No one wants to hear your lengthy stories about constipated you were last Tuesday.
Food for thought: Why suffer trying to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when the best things in life we do naked.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Without ME it's just AWESO.
Remember being a teenager and joining the "PEN 15" club? Me either.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it's to stay away from people with blurry faces. They always seem to attract trouble.
It's amazing how many people on Facebook "less than three" each other.
That time Ke$ha showered
- Urban Legend
I hate when I'm making a milkshake and boys just show up in my yard.
Watching helplessly as the toilet paper roll slowly falls into the toilet.... Devastating.
They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating a sexy beast this morning.