Facebook - real people with fake attitudes.
Twitter - fake people with real attitudes.

If you've ever had to sneak into the bathroom to reply to a tweet... You might just have a twitter problem.

I've been looking for a blowjob app but the only thing I can find that sucks is fb!

I would never fuck and tell... Fuck and tweet maybe but not fuck and tell.

Every time I star your tweet I pretend to slap your ass as you walk by.

Everyone needs at least one person that can make them smile daily.

If my cock had wings.. well it would be a cock with wings

The boys and me cum as a package deal!

One mans junk is another womans pleasure!

Ladies believe what you want about makeup... But guys love your natural beauty first thing in the morning.

Big hair can be sexy sometimes.... Unless it's pubic.

If a guy says RAWR... That means he's gay right?

I lost my virginity the first time I had sex.

I've read your tweets, htf did you get 21,000 followers?

I'm in a "don't fuck with me" kinda mood today..that is of course, unless you wanna "fuck".

Do you ever wonder "how the hell did these people find me?"

I save my best tweets for when none of you are here.

There is no reason that I shouldn't be naked right now.

Sexy isn't about your boobs baby... Those are just bonus features.

Dude nice hair.. Your mullet matches your 86 camaro