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It's not that I don't love life, I'm just not *in* love with it.
I'm not bitter I'm just trying it on for size.
This morning I spilt mouthwash down me and didn't have time to change, so if you like a gal with a minty fresh cleavage I'm the one for you.
(I) (overuse) (brackets) (because) (I) (don't) (want) (a) (single) (word) (to) (be) (left) (without) (a) (cuddle.)
Some song lyrics are so perfect that they make me want to write them out using a quill and then rub the piece of paper all over my face.
Melt away stomach fat fast! Set fire to yourself.
Do boys find hiccuping really loudly attractive? Asking for a friend. The friend that's going to be kept awake by my hiccups all night long.
I know you shouldn't play favourites with your legs but I definitely prefer the right one.
The light in my fridge is broken and I'm worried that the Babybels are afraid of the dark :(
If I'm ever found dead in my bathtub, it wasn't suicide, it was just because I tried to shave my legs in a hurry.
A Facebook friend just checked into 'Love' with their girlfriend and what's that word for when you hope someone drowns in their own blood?
I think my bad back comes from trying to lift the troubles of the world without bending my knees sufficiently.
If you're going to insist on living happily ever after, at least have the decency not to bang on about it all the time.
I got my day cream and night cream mixed up and now my face is nocturnal.
I think my phone is broken, every time I save a guy's number in it they turn into a cunt.
Don't get mad at Torvill and Dean, skaters gonna skate.
Let's all just be kinder to each other, for fuck's sake.
I'm going to start wearing rollerskates 24/7 so that it's easier for a man to sweep me off my feet.
'Rest assured, I'm a doll.'
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