The greatest rapper of all time died 15 years ago today. RIP Biggie Smalls.

The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.

I don't heart anything... because heart is a noun.

One man’s trash is another man’s daughter.

Don't be afraid to shut the fuck up for a little bit. You'll be fine.

Never judge a book by its movie adaptation.

Typos just mean I'm excited.

"SO FUCKING RT IT THEN!"

- Me, whenever someone with thousands upon thousands of followers stars my shit.

Hey, if you're new to Twitter, please be sure to visit a site that will auto tweet your horoscope for us to read.

As a general rule of life,

TAKE THE FUCKING COMPLIMENT.

In my opinion, my opinion is so much better than your opinion.

Don’t joke about murder.


I was murdered once and it was very traumatic and I get really offended whenever anybody jokes about it.

I know a girl who's the living, breathing embodiment of drama... put her in front of Facebook or Twitter, though, and she becomes Ghandi.

They never did tell us how to get to Sesame Street, people.

The internet's biggest lie:

"LOL".

Two options:

1. Detect my sarcasm appropriately.
2. Go away forever.

Maury Povich would've totally ruined Star Wars.

Maybe if I don't tweet for the rest of the night, people will think I actually have plans. Genius.

"And who are you wearing tonight, Angelina?"

"Malnutrition."

How can you be proud of something you were born into (race, nationality, religion, sex)? Go look up "pride" in a dictionary, dumbass.