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Don't have an oven mitt. Bare hands, not good substitute. Cake tastes great though. Ambulance en route. Will post naked pics soon?
Crazy that no matter how much taco bell u order it's always 6 dollars.
Do transformers get car insurance or life insurance?
Crazy fact about Canadians, did you know that its mandatory they learn to drive a reindeer sleigh before they graduate highschool?
Yo! How do you follow yourself on twitter?? -Kanye West
Facebook: Where your kids will be able to see all the people you used to sleep with before mommy met daddy.
" " -Helen Keller
We get it, you LOVE rugby, guys named Zac.
Crazy? No, i'm not crazy. Crazy is a stripper that applies her dead dad’s ashes as eye shadow before she goes on stage.
Oh your kid just learned the ABC's? That's great. Mine are still swimming around my nutsack while i motorboat the baby sitter.
Personally, i think the Bible version of Genesis should talk a little bit more about Phil Collins.
I'm quitting cold turkey
not warm turkey though, i love that shit
I like my coffee like i like my Michael Jackson's, dark at first but you guys see where this is headed, right?
Do you like bright colors? Does your outfit clash with almost everything? Then you, might be Greek.
Just ate a fancy restaurant & in the bathroom i had to actually touch the soap & towel dispenser like ew get it together 7-11 this isnt 2002
Ugh, my moms chest hair smells THE WORST right now.
Oh there's 12 in a dozen? Because we're totally not gonna fucking do that. -Bakers