I'm a sex camel. I've gone without it for ages, but I've still got two good humps in me.

Reason I didn't get a job today: I didn't even try. See, my reasoning & critical thinking skills are awesome.

My faves per follower went up ovrnight. My hopes for "getting a life" went down. It's all about balance, people.

And stars apparently.

I'm getting more generous with stars. And sex. And I'm willing to barter.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the Sonic where they can buy their own damn milkshake. I'm not made of money. Just awesome ass.

I get excited when Tweeps frm Favstar leaderboard follow me. Then I get flustered by the implied pressure to dazzle them with my wit. #FML

Is there a fucking straw shortage in America? 2nd time this week a fast food joint failed to provide me the technology needed for my drink.

I'm all outta funny. And money. And energy. Basically all I've got going for me are these big boobs.


Oh, and a vagina, FTW!

I could shower, put on skimpy clothes, go out to a bar & score a 1 night stand.

Or I could lay on my couch eating coolwhip & watching hulu.

My "bitch hiding in the back bedroom of a dark house" costume was a huge success.

Now I'll be "loser in PJs at Taco Bell drive-thru".

Today is tattoo day. After I get a tattoo I always get a Big Mac to celebrate.


Intentional pain & big things in my mouth: that's me!

Does any1 else get a little pre yogurt squirt when peeling back a foil Yoplait lid or is it b/c my yogurt knows it's gonna hv a good time?

I haven't gone this long without sex since I was married. And back then it was MY choice.

Karma blows. And so do I.

I don't actually *speak* "comic book nerd", but I'm a fluent listener.Or really good at pretending I understand (& care) what you're saying.

Shit. I lost all my funny at the children's hospital. But I've got Starbuck gift cards. They sell everything in there-except self esteem.

Late for jury duty on the 2nd day. Yeah I'm a model fucking citizen. You want me involved in deciding your fate.

Stars per follower almost 3.

FYI: That score is how long I'll let each of you feel me up. The line forms to the right (that tit is bigger)

.@proflowers If you give the man money for his radio show services, then you do indeed "ENDORSE" the views he spews. #boycottrush

Dinner: Cheetos Puffs & 2 gourmet cookies. I may be single, but junk food will always come to bed with me & stay all night.

COME ON people...what will it take to get stars or good #FF mentions? I'll offer dirty DMs, suggestive pix, friendly conversation, ANYTHING