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I've only tweeted 28 times in the past year. Now 29.
Turned on reading old emails and imaging the new ones I hope are coming my way.
I've never ridden in a Hummer (Hum-Vee).
Who the fuck orders a "glass of coffee"?
Sobriety is bullshit. I’ve tried getting drunk but I lose interest and forget to drink my spiked Sprite.
"I will believe a corporation is a person when Texas executes one." If Hobby Lobby wins it's contraception coverage case, we're all screwed
Ryan Ferguson: pretty white boy released after conviction overturned, no retrial= TV, front page. Black men *exonerated* off death row= meh.
You can tell the relative safety of your local Walgreens neighborhood by whether they'll let you enter by either set of doors.
If I die soonish please bury me with every piece of 70% off Target workout clothes I have bought in the last two weeks.
Is it normal for a lady FedEx driver to "let" the men in an office unload her truck when it's 20-30 boxes? What does she get paid for?
Randy Neugebauer: Publicly apologize to the U.S. Park Service Ranger http://www.change.org/petitions/randy-neugebauer-publicly-apologize-to-the-u-s-park-service-ranger?share_id=ycDOsbFfWi&utm_campaign=twitter_link_action_box&utm_medium=twitter&utm_source=share_petition … via @change
Save your time & energy. The Locker cloud storage service from AT&T is a big fat fail. Yes they suck so bad I'm obligated to warn you.
Funniest accountant you'll never meet. Covered in tattoos & piercings to be sexy & cool. Heterosexual lover of rainbows. I'm funnier on Tumblr.
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