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Roses are red, violets are blue, check out this lightsaber, it will cut you in two.
Accidentally heard that Mariah Carey Christmas song on the radio and am now using an electric beater as a Q-Tip.
My "pilattes" routine:
Nap in Starbucks
Stretch in Starbucks
Drink latte in Starbucks
Fall back asleep on couch in Starbucks
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Unidentified item in the bagging area
- Yes. It's my foot. Kicking in this self-service checkout. Pay for some fuckin cashiers
And slowly they crawl out - a Christian says Greenbelt christians aren't proper Christians so no wonder an atheist was there
I want you to hate me before you love me. I need to see you angry. I want to see what you're really capable of, before I let you in...
Love is many things. It's different for everyone but always comes from the heart & soul. Neither of which is located in your pants.
Nothing at all wrong with this picture... <head explodes> http://t.co/gSeIQ5uz
If I wanted to hear preaching, I would go to church. Why don't you try keeping your religion to yourself? Damn Atheists ...and Vegans.
In a non-Olympics week, this would end up most read … Pubic hair has a job to do – stop shaving and leave it alone http://t.co/r6sfXhaF
Church of England has severed its links with News Corp, withdrawing its £1.9m shareholding in response to phone hacking saga
Just been texted "Records passed to us show you're entitled to £2130 in comp from mis-selling of PPI" they certainly don't, you lying scum!
For those concerned about relativistic effects during Usain Bolt's run, I can confirm he travelled 5.77 femtoseconds into the future.
@surfaceofmars @marscuriosity @xeni Yeah nice planet you got here… super stoked to be stranded here for the rest of my life.
Why are ghost movies always set in hospitals and jails? I want a ghost movie in Wal-Mart. “Cleanup in aisle 13!” “But there is no aisle 13.”
I write, and do magic: sometimes simultaneously. Well past 40, I still own a healthy sex drive; Tweets can reflect this. A Work In Progress.
