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That last tweet was actually two unfinished tweets made into one. Sound lame? Then so is everything The Beatles did after Revolver.
6
A sushi restaurant called The Hump that sold whale meat is closing. Owners apologetic but hopeful for their new venture called The Eaglery.
12
He watches basketball and snorts every time they say "rim."
This is how I know I married the right man.
This is how I know I married the right man.
Working as a model on mattress packaging requires mastering one of two looks: "About to Bone" and the slightly more subtle "Just Boned".
Twittering to become 'famous' is like 'hugging' to procreate
It's possible; but it's more than likely going to require you getting naked
It's possible; but it's more than likely going to require you getting naked
my fortune cookie reads "your mind is original, creative, and alert."
original = dirty, creative = twisted, alert = drunk.
BINGO!
original = dirty, creative = twisted, alert = drunk.
BINGO!
It's so cute how this cookie dough wrapper tells me how to properly save the leftovers. Because, yeah, that'll happen.
Hobo Humpin Slobo Babe - Whale! #nowplaying Fuck me 6Music you really are the dogs bollocks <3 #saveBBC6Music #save6music @laverneshow
2
What does it say about me that I read the Tiger texts, and all I could think was, "Dude doesn't know the difference between too, and to?"
Not sure what bums me out more. That @jetlabels uses my tweets as his own or that, after doing so, he only has 12 followers.
Parenting is putting a glow stick in your three year old's pants and teaching him to say, "The chocolate milk has gone bad."
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