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my fuckinh piece of shit uncle put a frut roll up in my cd tray on my laptop and now i can't tweet without ants covering my fucking hands
i bet cops love to play mortal kombat 3 to preform brutalities as stryker. i bet thats the last test they have to take before becoming a cop
everyone misses the 90s but i miss the early 2000s. i miss those faded jeans that didn't have ass pockets. fuck doug and the shitty rugrats.
i'm thinking of writing an epic poem of stone cold steve austin turning into a samurai and venturing the nine circles of hell.
apparently i am in a friend zone(?) if so that's great! bring on the friends! :^D
i'm at a halloween party in austin. guess how many wes anderson characters are here.
my shit uncle went ahead and made me a gravestone. it says, "stupid shitbag 1992-2014 died from fucking up everyone's goodtime at the lake"
THERE ARE ANTS ALL OVER MY COMPUTER
when i was a young kid my mom's friends thought i was going to be gay as i got older. ha ha! joke's on them! i've kissed like 2 girls!
i hate boners. if it were up to me i would just never have another boner for the rest of my dumb stupid idiot life.
i can relate with snapchat because i too am worthless
the mazes on the backs of cereal boxes are fucking easy as shit. it's like they make them for fucking idiots or something.
todd just said "the delorean from fast in the future"
hey ladies, you should text me if you want to check out how utterly disappointing one human can be
some bugs flew into my mtn dew but i swore upon my step dad's grave that i'd forever do the dew so i'm crunching on some bugs at the moment
i keep digging myself graves thinking the next one will be better but i realize now that they're all just holes in the ground
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