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my fuckinh piece of shit uncle put a frut roll up in my cd tray on my laptop and now i can't tweet without ants covering my fucking hands
i bet cops love to play mortal kombat 3 to preform brutalities as stryker. i bet thats the last test they have to take before becoming a cop
everyone misses the 90s but i miss the early 2000s. i miss those faded jeans that didn't have ass pockets. fuck doug and the shitty rugrats.
THERE ARE ANTS ALL OVER MY COMPUTER
when i was a young kid my mom's friends thought i was going to be gay as i got older. ha ha! joke's on them! i've kissed like 2 girls!
i hate boners. if it were up to me i would just never have another boner for the rest of my dumb stupid idiot life.
i can relate with snapchat because i too am worthless
the mazes on the backs of cereal boxes are fucking easy as shit. it's like they make them for fucking idiots or something.
hey ladies, you should text me if you want to check out how utterly disappointing one human can be
some bugs flew into my mtn dew but i swore upon my step dad's grave that i'd forever do the dew so i'm crunching on some bugs at the moment
i am now in the SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL and i gotta tell ya... haha man do i miss the SIXTH CIRCLE OF HELL
women are starting to get annoying because now like most of em have evolved and gained the ability to fly & shoot lazers from their mouths..
i asked the lady at subway to make a pb&j and she said, "pee pee and j?" so now i have to eat this stupid piss sandwich.
i think a girlfriend might be too much for me. maybe i should start with a lizard, or two lizards. maybe i should collect lizards.
more like beat me over the head with a club music
I am drunk as good man
tryin to die
my dad's barbecue pit fell apart and he proclaimed it a "dad-saster"
my shit uncle went ahead and made me a gravestone. it says, "stupid shitbag 1992-2014 died from fucking up everyone's goodtime at the lake"
i keep digging myself graves thinking the next one will be better but i realize now that they're all just holes in the ground
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