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my fuckinh piece of shit uncle put a frut roll up in my cd tray on my laptop and now i can't tweet without ants covering my fucking hands
i bet cops love to play mortal kombat 3 to preform brutalities as stryker. i bet thats the last test they have to take before becoming a cop
THERE ARE ANTS ALL OVER MY COMPUTER
when i was a young kid my mom's friends thought i was going to be gay as i got older. ha ha! joke's on them! i've kissed like 2 girls!
i hate boners. if it were up to me i would just never have another boner for the rest of my dumb stupid idiot life.
the mazes on the backs of cereal boxes are fucking easy as shit. it's like they make them for fucking idiots or something.
hey ladies, you should text me if you want to check out how utterly disappointing one human can be
some bugs flew into my mtn dew but i swore upon my step dad's grave that i'd forever do the dew so i'm crunching on some bugs at the moment
i am now in the SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL and i gotta tell ya... haha man do i miss the SIXTH CIRCLE OF HELL
i asked the lady at subway to make a pb&j and she said, "pee pee and j?" so now i have to eat this stupid piss sandwich.
i think a girlfriend might be too much for me. maybe i should start with a lizard, or two lizards. maybe i should collect lizards.
more like beat me over the head with a club music
I am drunk as good man
i'll always be stuck with myself and sometimes that makes me sick to my stomach.
i'm in ASStin. ha ha get it? i'm in austin but it's stupid so i put ass in it's name. i'm just trying to have fun.
please do us all a favor and lock the lid of the dumpster with me in it
while doing my fourth push up i dislocated both my dumb fucking shoulders so now i can't even make my stupid peanut butter sandwitches
my dad got real mad at me for calling luigi green mario
i fucking love green mario
my dad got real mad at me because i went to visit him at work and asked all his coworkers if they could tell that i was wearing a diaper
i keep digging myself graves thinking the next one will be better but i realize now that they're all just holes in the ground
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