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Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a hooker for a hug
Just when I think I'm out, you drag me back in
She was good from far, but far from good
When people say "life is short" don't they realize it's the longest thing they'll ever do?
Nothing more comforting then sitting on a warm toilet seat
The more you use your strengths, the more you will push your limits
A true friend says what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
Someone give Tiger Woods a blowjob, he looks awful