@idvssuperego's (state your name) most faved Tweets...
If a tree falls in a forest, and there's no one there to hear it, does it get back up and do it again until it gets the attention it craves?
Neighborhood punker kid wearing a “Hate Everyone” t shirt rang my bell to tell me I left my car lights on. Fucken poser.
If I kill the kid next door but can prove he was playing a recorder at the time, it's like a parking ticket, right?
When the hobo with kleenex box shoes is starting to look like the very icon of personal freedom, do you stop drinking or keep drinking?
Archival tweet from Adam:
“The ribectomy hurt like a mofo, but one look at Eve and I was all, take the other 23, God, and keep 'em coming."
“The ribectomy hurt like a mofo, but one look at Eve and I was all, take the other 23, God, and keep 'em coming."
Dear People Who Aren’t Following Me:
I’ve *seen* who you follow, and I clearly exceed your criteriYOU’RE NOT EVEN LISTENING, ARE YOU?!
I’ve *seen* who you follow, and I clearly exceed your criteriYOU’RE NOT EVEN LISTENING, ARE YOU?!
Had that father-son talk about the birds and the bees and the 271 known things that will cause a flower to capriciously deny nectar.
Ever been on the verge of faving a tweet but denied the star because of a trifling quibble over one botched word? Me to!
If you mean to say “it is,” then use “it’s.” If not, then there’s NO APOSTROPHE! NO APOSTROPHE! IS THAT ONE REALLY SO FUCKING HARD?!!
I mentioned "diamond ring" and got a half dozen followers selling rings.
Drunken nympho single mom who just needs a major fucking.
Drunken nympho single mom who just needs a major fucking.
Total was $14.76 so I gave the cashier a twenty and also, to the Tremendous and Sustained Bafflement of all three employees, a penny.
Son: “My report card might suck.”
Me: “Why?”
Son: “I’ve said all I’m gonna say.”
Life skills, the kid’s gots ‘em.
Me: “Why?”
Son: “I’ve said all I’m gonna say.”
Life skills, the kid’s gots ‘em.
He re-sends same e-mail with one added comma and explanatory message:
“I missed a coma.”
Truer words were never spoken.
“I missed a coma.”
Truer words were never spoken.
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