You guys fucking retweet me. Get me more followers. Don't be dicks and hog all the love. God damn it. Shit.

YEP NEWS NOW HAS TO TALK A OUT HOW VIOLENT BATMAN IS. Fuck off, that guy was just a fucking psycho.

Yea, I almost let myself forget how lame humans are.

Going to start seeing tweets about the rapture like there's no tomorrow.

HA. http://t.co/4cIWs44v

Yes, I live in Iowa. No, I don't play live action Farmville.

my boyfriend is crying because i won't cuddle with him. what a fucking girl. if he wants to cuddle he should prob take that skirt off.

I'm already excited for Halloween.

I will eat everyone on Twitter.

Why is my boyfriend laughing hysterically at the Snuggle Bear on television? Help.

Ok, I have to get ready for work now. STREET CORNER AIN'T GONNA STAND ON ITSELF.

Pee'n out ur butz und pewpin out ur p hool? @tylonol

Dreamt I caught my bf jerking it. When I questioned him... his only response was "YOLO." God damn it.

Don't go outside guys, CRAZY ASS HELL has taken over. NO ONE is safe from ass.

You can lead a butt to water but you can't make it drink.

@mxrk i feel you, man.

Lol you're drunk.

Ok, someone give me a back rub. This is, in fact, a command.

funny. it is my birthday, but i feel the same as yesterday... only now it is completely acceptable for me to ruin my life.

I bet a lot of you have sneezed so hard you shit your pants, huh? You weirdos. *after sneezing gets up and awkwardly walks to the bathroom*