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Someday someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
Need help paying for the mortgage?
1 Find a bunch of kittens
2 Spray glue all the kittens
3 Cover kittens in glitter
4 Sell Glittens!
Let me slip into something a little more naked.
I think I'm having the most indecisive day of my life.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Everything you can do I can do better.
Except for blow jobs you do that pretty good.
Stoners have the same password for everything. Because obviously.
You look like I need a drink.
Life is so much better without any pants on.
My twitter crush is Canadian. I think I may have a shot eh
I need friends with less kids and more drinking habits.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
In an argument, my girl always has the last word. Cuz apparently anything i say after that is the beginning of a new argument.
I would fuck on the first date if I ever got one.
Hey ladies, I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.
You scratch my back, i eat your pussy.
Less talky, more booby
Shower masturbation because cleanliness is friendliness.
I ask you, is there a better feeling than sharpening a new pencil to a fine tip.
Shine on forever Shine on benevolent sun. IG:bulletproofdonny