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A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least a thousand dollars.
I wish I was in a gang so I knew what do to with my hands in pictures.
Damn girl, are you a parking ticket because I fucking hate you.
The word "meow" is in "homeowner". Good luck trying to ignore that from now on.
Reasons To Date Me-
All I want to know is why Antonio Banderas' hair has been wet for 20 years.
Just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon.
Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me.
Listen son, you know how you find an awesome song & you listen to it over and over again until you hate it? Well, I'm leaving your mother.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that starting now and for the rest of your life.
There are like 7 billion people in the world. So no, I would not say I just hit "a lot" of people with my truck, BEN. Calm the fuck down.
"Hey, wanna hangout?" "Later." "Now?" "No, later" "How about now?" "Jesus christ." -if Adobe Updater was your friend
"I blew a hundred bucks last night." -slutty reindeer
Finally came out and told my parents I’m cray.
Heard someone call real life "the outernet" today so I'm still pretty shaken up.
The hardest part about being black is never knowing if any of your family members are secretly being played by Tyler Perry.
When I win the lottery I am going to buy all the raisins in the world and throw them in the trash.
remember when r. kelly broke us off with a "little preview" of the remix and then played the entire song
I bet Kanye West doesn't let Kim Kardashian finish.
The friend that called me "OCD" would feel pretty dumb if he knew having the TV volume on an odd number could destroy the world.
I've ended friendships with people over the way they chew gum.