People who live in crack houses don't throw rocks

Leave it to McDonald's to make oatmeal that has more fat than the hash browns at Waffle House

I'm not the girl your mama warned you about...her imagination isn't this good

I star tweets for one of three reasons: 1. They make me laugh 2. They make me think 3. I'm too drunk/stoned to know the difference.

If you pull their teeth, I bet zombies would be really good at oral sex

Research shows that people will believe anything that was allegedly researched.

You know you're starved for attention when you walk past the guy who sexually harasses everyone's desk more than once

If I ever get the death penalty I'm going to insist my last meal be the semen of Vin Diesel

MTV should just go ahead and change their name

I whip my hair back and forth... I whip my hair back and forth... Shit, now I'm dizzy

Who wants to be dipped in sprinkles and licked like an ice cream cone?

Instead of typing LOL I star your tweets

I consider you all my twittercrushes...because whore

Every time you star or RT my madness my phone vibrates so it's like we're shagging

Now that I'm a redhead I can't pass a pole without taking a spin.

You guys fuck the way you star tweets, we would get along VERY well

I think the time has come for body shots...but all I have is Nyquil

I just had one of my favorite tweets hit 100 stars... Blow jobs for everyone (who starred it)!

I prefer my cockmeat sandwich without the cheese, thanks

Inspect Her Gadget #CartoonPorn