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If sex with 3 people is a threesome, and sex with two people is a twosome.
Then I must be handsome
If a woman goes out and sleeps with a lot of guys, she is called a slut. But, if a guy does it, he is called a homosexual. Double standard
A jealous woman does better research than Homeland Security
Karma Sutra-when life comes back to fuck you in creative ways
Everytime I hear of someone that was attacked by a shark, I think "didn't they hear the music?"
Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you
I was so poor growing up, I had to close my eyes and listen to women's tennis for my porn!
88% of all accidents happen at home, and that is one small victory for the homeless
Changed my windows password to 'mypenis' but it said it wasn't long enough
Good girls are the bad ones who never get caught
Everyone has a family tree.
Mine is a cactus full of pricks
I'm so poor that instead of a smoke alarm, I hang Jiffy pop everywhere. Once I hear that shit, I run
My dick gets less action than a white crayon
Created a website about women drivers
Damn thing won't stop crashing
Don't date the most beautiful woman in the world, date the woman who makes the world most beautiful to you
What if oxygen makes our voices really deep
and Helium returns it to our normal state?
You know life has beaten you down when you make an excuse to not stir your potatoes 5 minutes in to your Hungry Man dinner
guy could have gone in there with a flamethrower,a knife,an axe,or bleach and ammonia and killed children. Stop the insane antigun rant
Chemistry jokes are sodium funny
You are gonna have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool me! Wait, 5am? Are you serious? Fuck that, you win
I'm the best starch, if you put plastic shapes in me I become a toy! What can rice do? Dry your phone when you drop it in the toilet..again