@imaudihere's (Rob) most faved Tweets...
I never yell, "Get a room!" at people who are making out. But I do yell it at the homeless. Because I'm trying to help.
I've enjoyed giving presentations at work a lot more since I started communicating exclusively through interpretive dance.
Sometimes I have an intense thirst for knowledge, but then I remember how easily I get knowledge confused with Mountain Dew.
I think it's time we stop arguing over what they should or shouldn't throw, and just agree that people who live in glass houses are awesome.
The thing I hate most about talking parrots is how they always know exactly what to say to make me cry.
I think a lot more people would be interested in science if they threw in a few awesome guitar solos.
I like having Twitter friends. You guys fill the void where my real friends used to be, before they escaped from my shed.
M. Night Shyamalan always offers to pay, but when the check comes he's like, "It was a twist! YOU were paying the whole time!"
Douche.
Douche.
I hate how quick people are to judge me just for saying what's on my mind and carrying a jar of urine with me at all times.
Probably the worst thing about being in a coma is everyone calling you a vegetable, because nobody likes vegetables.
"In five years? That's a stupid question. We'll all be dead in the nuclear holocaust of 2013. Idiot." That job interview went pretty well.
Sometimes I wish my superpower was an enhanced sense of sarcasm, instead of this stupid laser vision.
It's humbling to think that right now, somewhere in the country, a former child actor is probably almost as high on meth as I am.
Travel to Russia: Check.
Not understand a single thing anyone says: Check.
Wonder what language I spent six weeks learning: Czech.
Not understand a single thing anyone says: Check.
Wonder what language I spent six weeks learning: Czech.
I didn't really understand how animals become endangered until I realized how delicious that bald eagle sandwich was.
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