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"We believe that you are a full human being from the second that you are conceived until the second that you are gay." #RNC2012
hate how my phone sometimes autocorrects haha to hahahahaha. im trying to end a conversation not laugh harder than i ever have in my life.
dear iphone, im never typing ducking
seems like were due for a taylor swift break-up song called "...maybe its me?"
There is a human being alive right now that will be trampled to death on Friday.
Worst part about going to the dentist is how the hygienist goes on and on about how the Bachelor didn’t pick her.
mad props to my friends from high school who are successfully balancing raising a baby and constantly posting someecards on facebook
The Supreme Court has decided to hear We’re All People vs. Nu-uh.
My iphone just auto-corrected "byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" to "don't do that, youre a twenty-eight year old male".
i love making plans with someone and both being on the same page about how were never gonna do those plans
never know if im dancing right
The adult version of learning theres no Santa Claus is being inspired by an Olympic athlete and then reading their twitter feed.
I've clicked "no" on Adobe Reader Updater more times than I've laughed, traveled or said "I love you".
Compromise: let gays marry guns!
Instead of this awful banter, each presenter should have one minute to tell us when theyve felt the most alone, then present the award.
This fiscal cliff is the "your aunt sheila just bought a new chair and she's on the phone, ask her about it" of new stories.
guy next to me on the subway just wrote "this blizzard" in twitter then saved it to his drafts
Weird that I dont know of anyone Ke$ha has boned but I know of maybe 5-8 that Taylor Swift has.
Writer for Saturday Night Live (Previously The Onion, Funny or Die) Instagram: ChrisKellyInstagram