I love when someone first finds your tweets, likes them and then star fucks the shit out of you.

So your face is like this all the time, like everyday?

I'm gonna try to have the sex with you so be still and don't touch me.

If you aren't blowing him why would you get upset if someone else is?

Just realized I've never gone down on a guy sporting a donut on his dick and I don't know who I am anymore.

Have you noticed that being polite has turned into a whole new level of sarcasm?

I can barely remember the last time I put a deer skull on my head and went to the store.

How's this, "I want you to put your babies in my mouth."

A good sense of humor makes you really fuckable.

I want to fuck your anger.

I'm prepared to fuck you until your eyes roll out of your damn head.

My sisters are so competitive they got pregnant at the same time; had their kids 11 days apart. I wonder which one is going to win death?

My sister told me that blowing up balloons is just like giving a blow job, but I think she lied because I never get a second date.

I told mom you took her Xanax, to hide the fact that I took some too.

Your hands would be better suited wrapped around my boobs, I think.

I know for a fact that I have an awesome vagina.

I'm really happy that all the serial killers are tweeting now.

I'm just going to assume that my vagina pictures were so good he fell off his stool and died. Since I haven't heard from him since.

I'd like to lap dance all over your penis.

Nothing says fuck you I'm a bear like sleeping for 24 hours straight.