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Are we still using this thing for jokes? Remind me to get bread later. And frozen waffles. What if it was 'waffels'? Sounds like a sport.
I bet Hardee's (Carl's Jr.) would discontinue the item if they knew how I was about to treat a jalepeno thickbuger.
3
Heading to my daughter's school to watch her receive a Citizenship Award. She's really made a name for herself since I mailed her to China.
6
Very disconcerting to dream about imaginary internet people. Like dreaming about television shows that include you in the script.
3 days of heavy drinking & broken sleep, followed by a day long hangover & a gong show in the evening, not the most welcoming start 2 a week
1
I had but one box of Macaroni and Cheese. Thanks to the incessant yapping of this customer, my lunch has burnt itself.
2
It's been 35 hours since my last drink. I've totally got this alcoholism thing licked. Like a lime. With salt. And tequila. Fuck.
I love my bed so much I want to marry it. I want to commit to it for a lifetime. I want to engage in holy mattressimony with it.
1980 US hockey captain Mike Eruzione and Dennis Kucinich are the two guys I most look forward to seeing on TV every four years.
10
I gained more followers while I was away the past few days than at any other point in my Twitter career. Duly noted.
I'm wringing out all my friends used condoms and making my own youth-enhancing product. I will call it Jerkins.
2
I found the curling event fascinating but then again, remember, I wear a bracelet that says 'Retarded'.
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