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Whenever you feel like your life isn't working out, just take a deep breath and remember: God doesn't exist so it's definitely your fault
What's that Nicolas Cage movie where he eats an entire bad guy and then fucks an explosion?
I told a crossfit guy the only way to get swole is to chug a gallon of hot dog water and scream-barf it into his wife's mouth. So jacked now
Have you ever noticed that you're reading something pointless right now?
...and in that rock block we had The Republicans with their hit 'tricking stupid poor people to vote against their best interests'
I met Jack Nicholson today and he grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and tossed me off a building! More like JERK Nicholson!!!!
I want to thank everyone I have interacted with so far today for not pointing out the huge booger that is on the fence about leaving my nose
Man. I gotta say I'm sick and tired of these terrorists. They keep terrorizing me, and I am in such terror. It's like, come on guys. Relax.
What's it called when you hear a baby cry and milk shoots out of your nipples? Asking for MY NIPPLES
Prophets of Rage sounds like Zach de la Rocha finally went through puberty
Just announced: keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention is a huge toilet
Finder of The Onion. Dog Food Blogger. Atheist Creationist. Inventor of Pasta. Will karate kick your tits off.
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