@invisible_h's (Invisible H) most faved Tweets...
I'm so sick of hanging out with gorgeous chicks who are engaged. Well, not sick of it. But wtf? We're not thirty. Ditch him and fuck me.
8
I'm in the mood for a Marlboro Light. Granted, that happens about twenty times a day. But this time, i'm not wearing pants.
7
Dear Wolfgang Puck bartender at the airport: I hope you enjoyed making me wait ten minutes to smoke, you douche. Die in a fire. Love, me.
6
Sometimes I like to squeeze my phone real tight like a garden hose. Then I let go and you get to see a bunch of tweets all at once.
6
Uh-oh. I crossed from 'not drunk enough to chat up random girls' to 'too drunk to chat up random girls' very quickly.
5
18.50 for a vodka red bull... But there are at least 4 shots, likely 5 in there. Let's call it a win.
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What is this strange beast gnawing at my ribs? And what is it hungry for? I need to get my hands on some acid to unlock these mysteries.
5
You'd think that spending most of my day on a college campus, it'd be simple to chat up pretty girls. But you're not as awkward as me.
5
I think it's hilarious when girls tell me 'Oh, I'd be into you if I weren't already seeing someone'. Really? Thanks, ya useless cunt.
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I don't think #skullfuckingyourcorpse #shouldbeillegal #inafreecountry, but for some reason it is. Sodomy laws for dead bodies.
5
Seriously. The Falcon Punch is the best possible method of emergency contraception. And it only costs a few seconds of charge-up time.
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