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I hope Mark Jackson is in the locker room helping Steph Curry unblock his 7 chakras so he can go into the Avatar state in the 3rd Q.
My favorite part of the Grammys was when there were shots of rappers giving Glen Campbell a standing ovation.
Just added "Illuminati Theorist" to the skills section of my résumé.
Iron Man 3 gets four thumbs down...from a man hanging upside down. #ConfusingMovieReviews
If I was playing Pictionary & I had to draw dignity, I'd draw a toddler defiantly taking off his baby leash.
I wish I had the ability to fall asleep at a reasonable hour, but I guess I'll settle for the ability to write these bangin' ass tweets!!
Just flossed and my gums are throbbing. It's like my gums are so yoked that they're flexing on my teeth. #PositiveOutlook #MyGumsHurt
"Two lane highway, you say? I better go the same speed as the guy on my right."
-Assholes #WhalesVagina
"Let freedom ring? No! I answer that call!"
-Excerpt from one of my mayoral campaign speeches #SpeechExcerpts
This hurts as a bandwagoner. I'd hate to be a die-hard right now. #Warriors
Shout out to Jack in the Box for refusing to film their commercials in widescreen & HD. That shit's just a fad anyway.
I bet there's a future President of the US on Twitter right now bitching about how his parents won't let him go see Iron Man 3 at midnight.
"Shooby doo wop and Scooby Snacks,
Met a fly girl and I can't relax."
#Genius #AheadOfTheirTime
Shout out to Estelle Harris for her comedic talents and her unique voice. #ShrillTalk
Shout out to those tiny crustaceans that provide whales with sustenance. #KrillTalk
Bi-girl: I'd say my sexuality is...fluid.
Sassy friend: Gurrlll, sexuality is all fluids!!
-Excerpt from my script that no one wants to make
@samoanninja @jerichotufono Thoughts on this fan theory that Walking Dead is a Zombie Toy Story? http://imgur.com/a/qIIsm#0
In happiness and in strife
