He who hesitates finds a closed liquor store.

I wonder if Mario runs right-to-left in the Hebrew version.

My other car is a vibrator.

You know you're awesome when people you don't even know hate you.

Who needs stars anyways, I'm hot.

I came. It wasn't my fault. He made me.

Every day should have a nooner.

If I ever get promoted to God I'm creating cupcake trees.

I hope my tight ass jeans and low cut top create enough of a distraction from my terrible hair day.

I'm sure if illegal immigrants were all Swedish blondes with Double D's there would be no problems.
But who would cut our grass?

"We interrupt this relationship to bring you the football season."

I don't hate much. Just clowns and cheap cocaine.

"I'm gonna pretend those words did not just come out of your thumbs."

I was born with a silver spork in my mouth.

I over heard two guys arguing over who is better Metallica or Megadeath. All I could think about was smashing their Sega Genesis.

Don't ever talk about clowns. They will find you.

Erections are a compliment.

If you need me I'll be hanging out in the fridge.

When I grow up, I want to be just like Harry Potter. Except with a bigger penís.

I mentioned to my boyfriend I think his son is spoiled. He replied, "A lot of kids smell that way."