Don't read too deep into someone. Some of those words are yours.

Its not that you aren't attractive. Quite the opposite. Its that I made a promise years ago that I intend to keep.

I think I just did the twitter equivalent of putting it in the wrong hole.

Should I pick up some booze for tonight. Star for yes, ignore for no. (This will probably become my most starred tweet.)

An egg is offering to help me become a millionaire? Goodbye guys! I'm gonna click that fucking link. Have fun staying poor suckers!

Hello newest folowers. Are you sure about this?

I couldn't be more lazy today if I was dead.

*Tests the door of his jail cell.*

Sleep is for the dead. Also I'm still rebelling against my adolescence.

There are moments when I want to hit Ctrl Alt Del on myself.

My mind is on vacation. I hope it sends postcards.

Some things are best left unsaid. What things, depends on who you are.

This is me. accept it or get the FUCK off my followers list.

New Poll. Should I pack another bowl, or should I not. RT for Yes. Star for no.

I love ghost stories.

*Bangs a gavel.* I find you all guilty of imperfection, and having feelings. The sentance my friends, is that you must continue on this way.

At last! FREEDOM!!!! *Translation. Kids asleep.*

I star when I read a tweet I like. If you think theres more to it than that then you need some introspection.

If I decide to get revenge, I want to do it with style. Quote Shakespeare, hang under my enemies cars, smoke cigars in theaters...

All things considered, things could be much worse.