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my dick is like an accent mark; it's all about the over-Es.
Is a "I fucked your daughter" cake appropriate I don't know how to deal with this guilt.
I miss overly chubby Adele. Now she's just appropriately chubby Adele.
There's no mono in monogamy... Wait. Shit.
If you drive a fiat I hate you.
Being a teenaged boy for six years of my life really ruined lotion for me.
Once a Marine, always Marine... unless you're gay, then you can get the fuck out.
Just got a ticket for CUI (crying under the influence).
Next on the bucket list: vehicular manslaughter.
I'm facing a crisis here. How do I tell my son that he's gay?
It's that time of year when I lose my job... I mean start carrying a flask again.
What if we just rounded up all the Latinos?
I have a hard time paying attention when you're complete fucking idiot.
R.I.P. aaliyah http://t.co/7Z60W6V1nt
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