BREAKING NEWS: Video has been arrested in suspicion of having something do with the murder of the Radio Star.

I was holding a glass of milk during that earthquake and now there's all these boys in my yard.

Being in traffic and needing to pee is one of the worst things you could experience.

How do I unlock the replacement refs in Madden 13 though?

In queso emergency, I pray to Cheesus.

Technically, you should be allowed to call your dad a motherfucker.

We can all agree that one of the most awkward situations is when you and another person walk out of the bathroom stalls simultaneously.

Sundays are cool if depression is your thing.

I'd be the happiest man in the world if a "Burger Joint" was literally just that.

With the availability of alcohol, I'm surprised that people still pay for dancing lessons.

I'm surprised that "Scooby Snack" isn't slang for a type of illegal drug.

WHENEVER I SEE SOMETHING TYPED IN ALL CAPS, I READ IT IN A BILLY MAYS VOICE.

My nose is more stuffed than Kim Kardashian's vagina in an NBA locker room.

I'm disturbed by this. For a species so evolved and intelligent...we act like savages.

I remember in 5th grade we sang "Help" by The Beatles as a class in accapella. I'll never forget that.

so my brother and i bought an xbox 360 a couple years ago. he paid for most of it, therefore he took it upon himself to sell it today. wow.

I'm following along with Google and Wikipedia. When I get home, I'm getting blacked out as well.

If you're going to use my shampoo without asking at least have the decency to use my conditioner too so that they stay even.

My assumption is that Bikini Bottom is in great economic shape. How could a fry cook at a fast food restaurant afford that lifestyle?

Hey Australia, how's it feel knowing that you'll die earlier than us this year?