Now I'm shoe shopping on eBay instead of typing this stupid report. Holy avoidance Batman. "wham" "pow" I've bought a pair of shoes

First a monsoon and now the sun is shining. Apparently the weather is as bi-polar as I am.

had a 20yr old lecture me about nutrition and sleep for a longer life. Keep yapping honey and none of that crap will help you reach 21

I'm hungry but too lazy to make something. I'm a princess, I demand to be spoon fed!

I'd have a tantrum but I'm too lazy for that too.

I narrowly avoided a car accident because the underwire from my bra escaped and nearly impaled me. Death by lingerie, what a way to go

Going all out for the BBQ this afternoon, I just shaved my legs and painted my toe nails. Yup that's me, glamour all the way.

Assembled a tv console with doors, changed headlights in my car & just while I was feeling all I am woman hear me roar I broke a nail, damn

She's so flat footed everytime she walks across the floor it sounds like a beaver slapping his tail on the water to warn of danger.

I walked into a door frame and managed to drop a cup of coffee and huge stack of papers.

I have all the grace of a water buffalo.

Would it be wrong to slap a 67 year old and tell her to get a grip? I'm asking for a co-worker.

It's Sunday afternoon and I have to ask myself " Why am I still wearing a bra?"

Thanks to my cleavage and my inablility to operate chop sticks, my bra is full of sushi. There is no graceful way to recover from this.

Eating chili while wearing a white shirt.

To those who say I don't live dangerously, I laugh in your face - ha ha!

This new bra is brought to you by the letter H and by the number $60. For that price it should have remote control unhooking & nipple warmer

I didn't fill kettle water level to minimum before turning it on. You can't tell me what to do, rebel!

My life really is that boring.

Dear Wendy's, you may want to rethink playing Color Me Bad over the sound system while people are trying to eat.

I've just mastered "peeing all over my new scarf". Stay tuned for the next installment of "Donna's Guide to Being a Lady".

I just left candles unattended. Now waiting for the open flame police to arrive, or will it be Smokey the Bear? I'm giddy with excitement.

Others in my office are swamped with work. I'm happily floating on a sea of work denial. All I need now is a margarita and some chips.

Just heard thunder and lightening and was frightened. Now feel urge to knock, knock on wood