Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I don't do favstar because I'm too lazy to sign up for stuff. It's amazing I signed up for this.
Bitch you nasty! Roll up them titties and put on a bra.
There is a growing epidemic at my work of women suffering from Bitch Face.
Double penetration... Because 2 is better than 1.
"Are you feeling alright"
Work translation for: "You have been to the shitter too many times today did you eat a bad taco?"
At the casino, about to go play the sluts!! Wish me luck fuckers!
After being told a certain fly only lives 24 hrs my boss says, "I wonder if 24 hrs feels like a lifetime to them?"
There is this dude at my work that looks like the love child of Walter White and Gus Fring.
Imagine how many thoughts were forgotten while taking a shit because we didn't always have smart phones with twitter to capture them.
Sunday is a day I prefer to not get dressed. I'd rather just lie around naked all day. Hanging out in my "Sunday's best".
Sometimes my timeline reads like a room of people screaming obscenities at each other then asking, "will you be my friend?"
If the alarm sounds when you step on the elevator, yeah that's your cue to get off Fatty.
My coworker tried to run me over in the parking lot today.... I think she may have found my twitter.
One of my coworkers apparently acquired the nickname Furby to which she has no clue. Now if we could locate her batteries so she can STFU!
I taught 2 coworkers the term "crop dusting" today so now I can officially say my Monday was productive.
My coworker called me an emotional terrorist today.