If there's an oil spill, the 52% of people that didn't vote should be in charge of cleaning it up.

I never went to university but from what I gathered from the brochures there's a lot of lying on your back on the grass in a circle

The conservatives are partying at science world. Seems ironic they would do it in a place that supports arts, science, and education.

Whenever I'm by myself in a room I will periodically say out loud "you're the worst ninja" just in case there are any ninjas.

Just saw a guy who was balding but also had dreadlocks. I didn't know what to do. I made a wish.

If you came 4th in the olympics for running, Why not become a purse thief? the 3 people faster than you probably aren't cops.

Really? Cocaine is still a thing? I thought Robocop put a stop to that back in the 80s.

Sometimes my hair is too good to go to bed.

Hey Everyone! Merry Christmas, My stand up special is now FREE to download until Dec 16th:  http://thestandupcomedians.com/ivan-deckers-comedy-special-the-perfect-holiday-gift/ …

Every Tim Horton's in the country has a built in interrogation room in the back in case we capture a Russian Spy. #CanadaDayFunFacts

Everyone I know has a sunburn. That's how much we miss sun in #Vancouver we will let it physically harm us because we're so glad it's back.

Yep, you're probably right. "Rap Battle" definitely sounds more hardcore than "Poem Fight"

The French word for "pomegranate" is "grenade". I'm not saying it's weird. I'm just saying world war 2 must have been very confusing.

I just had a dream I was in seattle but I was using my cellphone. I'm sure Rogers will now find a way to charge me for "dream roaming"

Always keep a stock of canned goods cause you never know when you'll get weird adult acne and have to stay in your apartment for 3 days

I think I'll go back to sleep until the world isn't the worst anymore.

The 5 dollar coin is planned to be bigger than the toonie but it will have a hinge so that you can fold it. #CanadaDayFunFacts

Canada is the only country in the world other than Japan to eliminate the penny #CanadaDayFunFacts

Is anybody planning a building in Vancouver that ISN'T condos? Anyone who has played sim city will tell you this needs to happen

The samsung galaxy s3 is a great phone because if you ever stay up late drinking the battery will die before you can start calling ex gfs.