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  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    If there's an oil spill, the 52% of people that didn't vote should be in charge of cleaning it up.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    sherylteeponymaltamrswhipcreamchicomazaltoffMayaSaxellAndrewMaclacpooki_ness88toughlovers
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    timublmrswhipcreamchicomazaltoffRuds_EathenacooperK_W_oMayaSaxellkylakeir
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    I never went to university but from what I gathered from the brochures there's a lot of lying on your back on the grass in a circle

    • 11
    • FAVS
    HoneyBaaBaaJoeMunstermanthistletat13SSDatedjyrki55keenfrenzyLiesaEvansKristaWhalen
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    KristaWhalensamanthamargShelbyLynLowekeenfrenzyLeorhallNicolesNotesbinarynicoWobblins
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    I just found out there are dudes out there just telling girls to smile. Say something funny and earn it you idiot. #YesAllWomen

    • 34
    • FAVS
    AlcoholicAuntEmiligiatiny_viceanomia_nannamadlinemZAPOKikiRazzleScienceLabrador
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    EmiligiakrystlesivorotmartyhallatDarbarelliSusanQHansenerinsnarksAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    The conservatives are partying at science world. Seems ironic they would do it in a place that supports arts, science, and education.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    HoneyBaaBaaWiley_by_birththistletat13mmichellehanleyPeterCarloneazedand2knotsGourmandrewJaySoko
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13c_FenderSunsetGrillKitscrussellsproutBoomTownBillwarandpeacerhollandsLakehillSoccer
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Whenever I'm by myself in a room I will periodically say out loud "you're the worst ninja" just in case there are any ninjas.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    HoneyBaaBaathistletat13worimivandeckerFernandaMakinoTHATFUHKINGKIDmikaeladykeSusanQHansen
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    worimsander_dcYohwnedEL13andidoJamethMcGrillPmuziRobbieDrizzletarakjpratt
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Sometimes I wear a suit and ride a Vespa because occasionally i like to look like a magazine ad for very thin cigarettes

    • 27
    • FAVS
    k_eburrell_deltacentauriKikiRazzlePeterNChrisShowDonBrown199swurlicurliAnka_Sawaskyleslentz
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    AmyShawDesignPeterNChrisShowWhosYourSenpaiTayWeighillDoYouEvenGoHereBrentButtbrycelokkenBannerComedy
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    7-11 really throws the word "fresh" around and I don't think they understand what it means at all.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    cookoo_bananascoconutphone77SkullcatSweetLexi83ingridsailedeslippekristyALGRADABetsieKH
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    TheRandyHeinzH_Bomb1380ryanexleyGivencaptainkwile_e_coyoteSimplyHammyJackShowersrobexists
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Just saw a guy who was balding but also had dreadlocks. I didn't know what to do. I made a wish.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    azedand2knotsHoneyBaaBaathistletat13SSDatedToujoursJacquessally_michaelsBradleyJDuffyLLCoolPez13
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    TheirneyFallsHoneyBaaBaakatiesndToujoursJacquesitsastrangedayfavstar_popJaySokoMiajerri
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    If you came 4th in the olympics for running, Why not become a purse thief? the 3 people faster than you probably aren't cops.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    HoneyBaaBaareticent_knightmightyweaklingMayaSaxellSeanEmenyweslordourboldherodhreviews
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    SummonerShurinujo0d__DonaRittaMsTrashandLightthisliberosisSeanEmenyourboldherodiffnotwealthy
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Every time I sip this water I look at the clouds to let them know I'm drinking their children

    • 13
    • FAVS
    BannerComedyk_eburrelljturnerentgroupDerekAdamsLiveshawnpolnikrandeenoodleaaronmagoocolin_sharp
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    joepollackZeeGumlaurathomas5000BrentonBartelFaith4321colin_sharpjodyvanceAvatar_unknown_48
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Guys, um, God found out about all the life hacking we've been doing and needless to say he's pissed. Pretty sure he's gonna sue buzzfeed

    • 14
    • FAVS
    joepollackRobGagnonsbretthardywordwondermelon_kitchenwitchinmrsparlingCCCrossleykelowna_comedy
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    bacherzalsotimkitchenwitchinBrentonBartelEmeryFineSka_TpodcastAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    I got really drunk last night and texted some ex girlfriends but I didn't go to McDonald's and I'm proud of that

    • 21
    • FAVS
    sonitag24bretthardywordMitchellFootBrentholomewGavinMattsKRD_VanBCQuinCourtneyShawnChknMac
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    pDeetz
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    I've spent this week giving my name at McDonald's and Starbucks as "Rheagar Targaryen" it's been met with little resistance

    • 13
    • FAVS
    HollyAndersonSamPhiferTravisBernhardt901_Matt_BJefeAndrewsavanbaarsenthe_wergstAggrocentric
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    IanEvansssAggrocentricIrie_JewbaccaYourManDevinesiewlee1818Erica_SigurdsonAvatar_unknown_48
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    A Facebook app where it filters out vague passive aggressive status updates

    • 14
    • FAVS
    JayleneWellsbretthardywordDerekAdamsLiveSamPhiferJohannigangarnerhainesRachelAberlezeinapus
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    bacherzJohanniganbrycelokkenMentalErroristAvatar_unknown_48
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    I gotta admit, as a teenager I thought being single in your mid twenties would be a lot more like mambo number 5

    • 8
    • FAVS
    legendary_roboInnov8rGuyjennyrationxBradleyJDuffy_SarahLikesCatsYveSharpemelbourquemrswhipcream
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    hannahquimperalsoMikeBradleyJDuffyRobbieDrizzleOnlyAdamTamermelbourquemrswhipcreamKylieMcMullan
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Really? Cocaine is still a thing? I thought Robocop put a stop to that back in the 80s.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    HoneyBaaBaaDrinkingQuestthesarahAndersSobyazedand2knotsPanda_Nmonium____mycoolaugustinethe_wergst
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Cassy_thats_menpalumbo58ClamMacleoddatabassistPanda_Nmonium____echoikcounselor_oiSarah_Steiny
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Sometimes my hair is too good to go to bed.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    notacoolkidHoneyBaaBaaJamesMasters83ShazamBlissTheSamanthaMackdomesticHSeanEmenymorganleee
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    JamesMasters83TheSamanthaMackSeanEmenymelevatorGpmc5randomcouturepmcgPeterCarlone
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    The French word for "pomegranate" is "grenade". I'm not saying it's weird. I'm just saying world war 2 must have been very confusing.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    SummonerShuriHoneyBaaBaaSSDatedkatiesndBradleyJDuffyJofannahanLiteraryGoonDGdgnl
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    SummonerShuriJofannahanLiteraryGoonhannajanepricezalinaPeterCarloneShawnChknMac
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Quitting coffee for a week was the best thing I've ever done to increase how much I like coffee.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    sandeepityTotallyDerekJunior_Kushmanthe_wergstDebraDiGiovanniBannerComedyjewellbsorryBrynnPeebles
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    StephanyaCatalfGeekinKoreaLalondeTracy
  • ivandecker
      Ivan Decker @ivandecker

    Lots of people don't vote and then get mad at election results. I'm the same way. I never do the dishes but I yell at my sink all the time.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    wickedcrickettkodeeezzzybillycomedyryanohlhCalvin_KaiserstinasaysZTheReaperAnitaEccleston
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    SummonerShuriAnDumkodeeezzzyCalvin_KaiserZTheReaperstevemzAnitaEcclestonalsotim
@ivandecker

@ivandecker

Award-winning Comedian / Tiger Uppercut Enthusiast / Recalcitrant. Based in Vancouver. I make jokes happen some of the time.